HUMOR LUCU NGAKAK KETAWA DAN OMONG KOSONG

Kampanye Damai Pemilu Indonesia 2009

2009-03-04T04:42:00.001-08:00

Saat ini dunia per seo an Indonesia lagi geger tentang Kontest Kampanye Damai Pemilu Indonesia 2009 yang diadakan oleh Mas Pogung seorang master SEO kondang asal Kota Gudeg Jogjakarta.

Seperti biasanya saya akan ngrephiu Kontest ini dengan analisa ngawur bin wagu ditambah dengan kritik yang membagun (burung he he....saru )

Pertama :

Apa untungnya buat Mas Pogung menyelenggarakan kontest ini ...jujur saja saya enggak mudheng babarblas...mungkin hanya Mas Pogung aja yang tahu....(Sorry ya Mas kagak bermaksud menyinggung perasaan nih)

Kedua :

Apa untungya buat kontestan.....kalau ini mah jelas...ngejar hadiah dan popularitas...lah gimana enggak dikejar....? hadiahnya gedhe banget ....5 juta rupiah Man... Kalau uang itu buat beli krupuk bisa orang sekecamatan kebagian semua.

Ketiga :

Kenapa kontestan ada yang mau maunya ngeluarin duit hanya untuk kontest ini dengan cara membeli Link pada Web/Blog ber PR 4 dan 5 ( Kalau Blog ini akan membeli Web/Blog ber PR type 45 ....kayak beli perumahan saja) Dan juga membeli domain plus hosting ......apa ya enggak rugi to Mas/Mbak....wah mumet aku.

Ke empat :

Kenapa Blog yang gratisan enggak bisa nangkring di lima Besar...? Lha ini namanya di kasih hati minta ampela..... Sudah baik Blogspot memberi Tools gratis untuk ngeblog kok minta macem macem....enggak di Banned aja harusnya udah bersyukur.....dasar..

Ke lima :

Kalau pemenang kontest ini kira kira blognya selanjutnya diapain ya.... Bocorannya sih ada yang mau di jual....lha terus yang beli siapa...berapa duit.................................

Ke enam :

Ya pikirkan sendiri...capek aku...........................................

Ke tujuh :

idemm ...................................................... Namun demikian saya salut sekali pada Mas Pogung atas kreatifitasnya pada Kontest SEO dengan keyword Kampanye Damai Pemilu Indonesia 2009

Menaikan Visitor dengan jurus Brokencode di Tips : Mencari trafik dalam 1 hari

2008-12-14T07:51:00.001-08:00

Beberapa hari yang lalu ...eh beberapa bulan yang lalu saya telah merephiu (reviu maksudnya) jurusnya cak wid tentang jurus dewa mabuk cara ngawur menarik visitor dengan cara guyon maton ala mentaraman Nah kali ini saya akan merephiu Jurusnya Mas Brokencode Tips : Mencari Trafik Dalam 1 Hari yang pastinya juga dengan cara guyon ala kadarnya. Menurut Mas Brokencode dalam 1 hari Blognya kedatangan tamu jumlahnya ...wuah wuah 11.046 itu kalau aku gak salah baca skrynsutnya loch...

Lho terus gimana caranya...? masih menurut Brokencode..itu terjadi karena beliau melakukan pendekatan kepada pemilik situs situs besar dunia atau Social enginering dengan menitipkan link atau Banner disitusnya....alhasil ...Trafik pengunjung jelas akan meningkat pesat. Tips yang diberikan kita disuruh mendekati Matt Cutts ,....setelah akrab kita disuruh ngerayu untuk titip backlink di seluruh account wordpress.....he he..wah...elok tenan ....lha aku pasti jamin enggak hanya 11 ribuan trafiknya...tapi jutaan...geleng geleng aku...karena ini strategi yang joss...banget....jenius. Namun demikian ini kurang ....sebab ada jurus yang joss lagi :

1.Disamping pendekatan kepada pemilik jejaring social ....jangan lupa pendekatan ke pemilik google....Mas Sergey Brin dan larry Page...si GOOGLE GUYS yang amat kesohor pemilik mesin pencari yang amat canggih itu. Kalau sampeyan udah bisa ntraktir pecel madiun yang uenak,atau nasi liwet solo yang gurih,atau nasi gudeg Jogja yang manis ke Mas mas itu....tak jamin situs sampeyan akan nangkring di urutan pertama setiap pencarian keyword apapun. Cara ngrayunya sederhana saja :....Mas Sergey Dan Mas Brin yang baik hati...tolong dong sehari ini saja sampeyan tampilin blog saya untuk keywords apa saja di urutan pertama... Kalau beliau menganggukan kepala....jangankan cuma puluhan ribu pengunjung...jutaan man...itu aku jamin....enggak percaya..?...buktikan omongan saya ini. 2.Berkawanlah dengan Jerry Yang atau Roy Bostock Petinggi yahoo inc.....ajak mereka makan tahu pong semarang,atau soto kudus.....dan bawakan oleh oleh peuyeum Bandung...kalau udah kenyang kasih tahu beliau beliau kalau kamu punya situs atau blog. Minta tolong...Om Jerry dan Om Roy...mbok blogku ditampilin di halaman depan yahoo...kalau mereka mengangguk setuju....ooowww....luar biasa Man...jangankan ribuan pengunjung...jutaan akan kamu peroleh di hari itu.

Masih kurang ampuh lagi... 3.Ajak paseduluran dengan Om Bill gates ( wuih ...sekarang khan udah pensiun to...) atau kalau enggak Steve Ballmer bosnya Microsoft...ajak mereka main golf atau kalau kamu enggak bisa ya ajak bal balan, kalau enggak bisa ya bekelan aja...kalau enggak bisa ya...main petak umpet aja dech ...repot amat. kalau mereka udah bisa tersenyum dan menyapa kamu ...pasti dech permintaan kamu untuk menampilkan blog kamu yang di MSN search engine sehari saja agar diurutan pertama keyword apa saja pasti akan di perbolehkan. Gimana temen temen hebat enggak tips dari saya ini...hebatkan...nah kalau kamu enggak percaya omongan saya buktikan sendiri.....semua tips ini gratis...enggak bayar. Akhir kata selamat mempraktekan jurus om Brokencode plus tips dari saya bila tidak anda akan rugi sendiri.

10 alasan mendaftar jadi PNS

2008-11-27T01:34:00.000-08:00

Udah lama Saya gak update blog ini eh...lagi jalan jalan di tempatnya websiteprofesionaloffers Saya ketemu ide, yang sebenarnya lama sebelum huru hara Pendaftaran CPNS tahun 2008 ini mau Saya Posting. Bagimana enggak huru hara to.....lha menurut Solo Pos tanggal 19 Nov 2008 Pendaftar CPNS di Kabupaten Sukoharjo Solo saja udah mencapai 15.818 belum kabupaten kabupaten di seluruh wilayah Indonesia. Lha kalau orang segitu banyaknya kemudian ngumpul dan kebelet kencing semua apa enggak kacau itu, untung kebijakan BKD sangat bijak dengan memberi waktu pendaftaran yang lumayan longgar.....aduh berapa hari sich...waktu pendaftarannya saya lupa. Saya kemudian berfikir kok begitu dahsyatnya magnet untuk melamar jadi CPNS, memang ada apa sih dan gimana sih PNS itu. Nah akhirnya saya ketemu Blognya mbak atau mas pemilik websiteprofesionaloffers yang kemudian ngelink di Blog Republikbm yang katanya PNS masih jadi profesi idaman di Indonesia dengan alasan : 1.Kondisi Perekonomian Indonesia ( keterangan baca sendiri di blog itu...entar kalau saya copy paste dikira jiplak hak intelektual) 2. Pandangan Konservatif Golongan Tua ( Wah apa pula ini........baca dech ) 3.Etos Kerja ( semua udah tahu artinya...ya khan.) 4.PNS nggak akan dipecat ( ya iya lah....masak ya iya dong.... duren aja dibelah bukan di bedong..he he...) 5.Kebanggaan .( wah ini relatif ....) Nah kalau saya tak tambahi mas/mbak..... 6.Tiap bulan pasti gajian 7.Bisa untuk jaminan utang di BPD ( ini pengalaman Bapak Saya yang pegawai negeri ...he he...) 8.Disayang Mertua.....( lha khan Semboyannya molimo >>>> Morotuwo Macem Macem Mantu Minggat) 9.Bisa pakai Seragam Korpri....( lha kalau orang enggak PNS pakai Baju Korpri rak yo di anggap sinting...Sementara kalau PNS pakai Baju Casual malah dianggap ...Balung Gajah alias makmur ya khan.......) 10........yang kesepuluh teruskan sendiri Mas....capek aku olehe mikir ... Nah itu kira kira yang mau saya posting ....terus bagaimana pendapatmu sampeyan....?

Blog Bayumukti dkk (Cosaaranda Cak Wid dll) dan Blog Priyadi dkk ( Yari NK Pak Ersis) dan Sawali Info

2008-08-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

8Anda mungkin yang membaca Postingan ini heran...apa maksudnya..? Yah demikianlah kalau orang enggak punya ide asal omong doang atau asal celoteh saja apakah ini juga sesuatu yang lucu...pokoknya nulis saja, jadi kalau ada yang tersinggung ya maaflah. Jadi begini : Kalau saya amat amati (dari pengamat yang sangat tidak profesional plus ngawur bin suwung ) ini ternyata aktifitas ngeblog itu ada beberapa Maksud . - Pertama aktifitas nge Blog ditujukan pure (pyur) hanya untuk mengungkapkan unek unek dari ide ide cemerlangnya hal ini dapat anda lihat kalau sampeyan sampeyan baca blognya Mas Priyadi , Mas Yari ,Pak Ersis dan kawan kawan lainya . - Kedua aktifitas nge Blog ditujukan untuk Internet Marketing dimana earning dari PPC,PPP serta adsense sangat mengalir deras di para master master ini jika, jika anda pingin ngeliat ( pasti anda sudah Blogwalking ke mereka) anda dapat mengunjungi Om Cosaaranda , Cak Wid, Bayu Mukti dan kawan kawan lain. -Ketiga aktifitas nge Blog ini adalah gabungan kedua duanya artinya adalah setelah aktifitas nge Blognya menjadi sesuatu yang rutin dan wajib dan memilki trafik yang sangat tinggi akhirnya (entah benar entah salah) Adsense tiba tiba muncul (apakah ini untuk mendapatkan earning..wah enggak tahulah). Kalau anda pingin tahu mungkin dapat mengunjungi tempatnya Mas Sawali (maafkan daku ya Mas...) Lha bagaimana dengan pandanganku terhadap nge Blog...jawabnya sederhana saja.. Yang penting nulis nulis...kalau ada earning adsense ya syukur...kalau enggak ada ya syukurin ....he he.... Namanya saja omong omong kosong.

Cara Cepat Mempopulerkan Blog - Bayumukti

2008-06-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Pagi ini aku baca postingan Bayumukti tentang cara cepat mempopulerkan Blog kita ...wuih canggih lho..: Ini dia kira kira resepnya :

Coba Ikutan ke situs yang merupakan kumpulan blog-blog (Blog Listing) dan biasanya disana nanti blog kita di ranking.
BlogWalking alias jalan-jalan ke Blog-blog tetangga dengan meninggalkan komentar.
Belajar SEO dan sesekali coba untuk menembak keyword rame.
Ikutan Nimbrung di Forum sambil pasang Signature.
Buat Blog yang buanyaak dan saling Nge-link
Jika ikutan Mybloglog Pasang Foto cewek cantik deh
Main Ping Pong dengan pe-Blogger lain di artikel anda.
Coba bahas blogger Populer, sapa tahu blogger populer tadi mau bahas anda di blognya.
Pasang Iklan Gratis maupun berbayar.
Menjalin pertemanan antar Pe-Blogger di Chatting alias Yahoo Messenger.
Jangan Putuskan Tali Persauadaraan sesama Blogger jika tidak terpaksa
Cara menulis artikel anda tolong diperhatikan,
Topik Blog anda sebaiknya enak dibaca semua kalangan Hargai bagaimana pun artikel anda itu. Memang bagi pemula tidak mudah membuat artikel yang bagus dan berkualitas bahkan yang sudah bangkotan membuat artikel yang berkualitas itu saya kira akan sulit.).
Bertindaklah seperti seorang Marketing Perusahaan yang promosi untuk perusahaan anda.

Klenger deh gue ngikutin caranya beliau...lha khan gue newbie...siapa yang mau bertemen.

Lalu FAD Kasih Komentar kayak gini :

Halo Sodara sodara kalau anda pingin blog anda populer sebenarnya gampang banget.

1.Bikin Blog yang menarik isinya : Sex Pilem Games dsb…

2.Ketik di kertas Url nya beri kata kata Bombastis…

3.Foto Copy sebanyak banyaknya.

4.Datang ke sekolah sekolah SMU

5.Sebarkan ke murid murid SMU tsbGua jamin dah…Blogmu pasti terkenal…..ini saya jamin 1000%

Nah trik ini yang benar ...kalau gak percaya buktiin saja..Rangking anda pasti naik.

Hayo mana yang benar kita buktiin saja ....dan coba kedua duanya pasti Mak Nyoss rangking anda naik luar biasa.

Gitu aja kok repot...

My Adsense being PSA ( public service adsense ).

2008-05-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here’s the reason about PSA 1. Your blog is Not English 2. Your Blog article is written in 30% english . Kira kira pada pertengahan Mei Mendadak Iklan google di konten bahasa indonesia mendapat Iklan layanan Masyarakat. Sedihkah saya ...jawabnya Tidak Kenapa harus bersedih toh kalau kita bersedih apakah mbah google akan langsung merubah yang PSA menjadi tidak PSA ..enggak juga khan. Disamping itu ngeblog buat saya tidak harus ada iklannya ....kalau ada iklannya ya syukur kalau tidak ya...Sukur sukur ( sukurin lu) Saya juga mencoba mencari tahu kira kira apa penyebabnya....dari browsing disana sini ketemu juga penyebabnya adalah Bahasa Indonesia adalah Bahasa yang tidak di rekomendasikan oleh Mbah Google. Lalu saya juga mencari tahu bagaimana menangkalnya...ingin tahu...nah kunjungi saja Situs Mas Isnaini Atau tempatnya Om Cosaaranda. Begitu ketemu apakah saya juga merubah Url atau apapun di blog saya ...jawabnya males , ngapain repot repot merubah ini itu... Mau ada atau enggak Emang Gue pikirin...mikirin nambah ongkos beli BBM saja susah lha kok mikirin yang enggak jelas. Terus ada temen saya nyeletuk lha nanti kalau enggak dapet dollarnya gimana...aku juga jawab sekenanya juga ....Mau dapet dollar mau dapat rupiah ...itu Gusti Allah yang ngatur...rejeki udah dibagi dari sononya...Warrent Buffet enggak main adsense saja bisa kaya raya . Bagaimana pendapat Sampeyan...?

Menjajal (jawanya : Mencoba ) Ilmu Cak Wid -Untuk SEO

2008-05-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

Setelah di postingan yang beberapa waktu lalu saya mencopy paste Teknik Cak Wid di jurus-dewa-mabuk-cara-ngawur-menarik-visitor. Saya mencoba mempraktekkannya dan hasilnya adalah beberapa hari kemudian blog saya yang ada konten inilah rahasia suksesnya cak wid berada di urutan ke 3 . Jadi kalau anda yang menulis Cak Wid di Om Google maka blog saya yang ada konten tersebut langsung nangkring di urutan ke - 3. Padahal saya hanya melakukan postingan sebanyak 40 -an saja tidak sebanyak Cak Wid yang 717 ,lalu pertanyaannya apakah ada juga unik visitor sejumlah 2000 kayak punya Cak Wid jawabnya adalah TIDAK. Lha kenapa tidak ada unik visitor sebanyak itu jawabnya adalah : KARENA POSTINGAN SAYA ITU BABAR BLAS TIDAK BERMUTU, jadi ya sopo sing arep mampir ...ya gak ono. Kedua juga karena saya enggak punya temen di kancah per -blogger-an (hayo siapa yang mau jadi temen saya...? wuih gak ada yang jawab je). Namun demikian walau sudah diurutan tiga ( kadang 4 kadang ilang) tapi gak ada unik visitor aku enggak akan kecewa karena Blog buat saya adalah sarana untuk unek unek saja dengan masalah masalah yang aku hadapi di dunia nyata . Kalau ada yang mampir ya monggo kalau enggak ya sak karepmu dengan demikian saya punya pikiran "EMANG GUE PIKIRIN". Eh ...tapi kalau ada pengunjung yang kesasar disini kalau mencoba jurus Cak Wid ..Coba saja enggak bayar kok,dan kalau nanti nasibnya seperti Blog saya gak ada unik visitor kamu dapat mencari petuah di blognya Om Cosa di Salah Jalan dan Kecelakaan Nah untuk itu dan untuk ini maka dari pada untuk yang lain lain dikarenakan sesuatu yang membuat hal hal menjadikan ini dan itu......Ciaaaaaaat coba saja.

Cerita Lucu tentang Mimpi Kang Parno

2008-05-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Suatu hari pada malam malam jumat Kang Parno bermimpi jualan Sapi. Pembeli menawar : Pembeli : "Ini aku beli lima juta" Kang Parno : "Tidak Boleh" Pembeli : " Enam Juta" Kang Parno : "Tidak boleh juga" Pembeli : " Sepuluh Juta " Kang Parno : " Pokoknya tidak boleh" Saking jengkelnya Pembeli menawar harga tinggi Pembeli : "Ya sudah aku beli dua puluh juta" Kang Parno : "Tidak boleh" Pembeli : "Kok sudah aku tawar tinggi kamu enggak kasihkan itu kamu mau jualan apa tidak to Kang" Kang Parno : "Ya enggak aku jual lha soalnya aku lagi tidur....."

Cerita Lucu dari Tentang Kuat Mana Laki dengan Perempuan

2008-05-17T00:24:00.001-07:00

Dua orang manusia yang berlawanan jenis sedang berdialog tentang kekuatan masing-masing. Cewek: Mas, kuat mana antara laki-laki dan perempuan? Cowok: Pasti dong kuat laki-laki. Cewek: Tidak bisa, pasti kuat perempuan. Cowok: Tidak, pasti kuat laki-laki (ngotot). Cewek: Tidak, tidak, tidaaaaakkkkk, dijamin kuat perempuan (lebih ngotot). Cowok: Coba dechhhh buktiin (penasaran). Cewek: Lihat perempuan, mengangkat dua buah gunung kemana saja sanggup (sambil membusungkan dada), sedangkan laki-laki apa? Hanya bawa telur dua biji, kecil-kecil lagi, itu pun minta tolong sama burung. Cowok: ??????!!!!!!!!

Cerita Lucu dari Tentang Perawat Cewek

2008-05-17T00:21:00.002-07:00

Tiga orang perawat cewek sedang berdebat tentang “ANUNYA” seorang pasien pria yang sedang dirawat. Perawat 1: “Ternyata anunya dari daging ya.” Perawat 2: “Ngaco lo, itu tulang, tadi gue pegang, kaku en keras.” Perawat 3: “Ngawur, ternyata sum-sum, nih liat tangan gue masih blepotan.”

Cerita lucu tentang Jeritan Juminten

2008-05-17T00:21:00.001-07:00

Satu hari Sultan merasa sungguh boring dan bete abis, jadi dia tanya si Kasim, “Kasimku, siapa paling pandai saat ini?” “Abunawas, Tuanku.” jawab si Kasim. Sultan pun manggil Abunawas dan baginda bertitah, “Kalau kamu pandai, coba buat satu cerita seratus kata tapi setiap kata mesti dimulai dengan huruf ‘J’.” Abunawas terperanjat, tapi setelah berpikir, dia pun mulai bercerita: Jeng Juminten janda judes, jelek jerawatan, jari jempolnya jorok. Jeng juminten jajal jualan jamu jarak jauh Jogja-Jakarta. Jamu jagoannya: jamu jahe. “Jamu-jamuuu…, jamu jahe-jamu jaheee…!” Juminten jerit-jerit jajakan jamunya, jelajahi jalanan. Jariknya jatuh, Juminten jatuh jumpalitan. Jeng Juminten jerit-jerit: “Jarikku jatuh, jarikku jatuh…” Juminten jengkel, jualan jamunya jungkir-jungkiran, jadi jemu juga. Juminten jumpa Jack, jejaka Jawa jomblo, juragan jengkol, jantan, juara judo. Jantungnya Jeng Juminten janda judes jadi jedag-jedug. Juminten janji jera jualan jamu, jadi julietnya Jack. Johny justru jadi jealous Juminten jadi juliet-nya Jack. Johny juga jejaka jomblo, jalang, juga jangkung. Julukannya, Johny Jago Joget. “Jieehhh, Jack jejaka Jawa, Jum?” joke-nya Johny. Jakunnya jadi jungkat-jungkit jelalatan jenguk Juminten. “Jangan jealous, John…” jawab Juminten. Jumat, Johny jambret, jagoannya jembatan Joglo jarinya jawil-jawil jerawatnya Juminten. Juminten jerit-jerit: “Jack, Jack, Johny jahil, jawil-jawil!!!” Jack jumping-in jalan, jembatan juga jemuran. Jack jegal Johny, Jebreeet…, Jack jotos Johny. Jidatnya Johny jenong, jadi jontor juga jendol… jeleekk. “John, jangan jahilin Juminten…!” jerit Jack. Jantungnya Johny jedot-jedotan, “Janji, Jack? Janji… Johnny jera,” jawab Johny. Jack jadikan Johny join jualan jajan jejeran Juminten. Johny jadi jongosnya Jack-Juminten, jagain jongko, jualan jus jengkol jajanan jurumudi jurusan Jogja-Jombang, julukannya Jus Jengkol Johny “Jolly-jolly Jumper.” Jumpalagi, jek…!!! Jeringatan: Jangan joba-joba jikin jerita jayak jini jagi ja…!!! JUSAH…!!!

Cerita Lucu Tentang Cewek Ingin Anunya Sepert Unta

2008-05-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

Ada seorang tentara AS menjadi intel ke Irak. Dia diberi kendaraan unta. Di tengah perjalanan, kaki sang unta menendang sebuah benda. Setelah diselidiki ternyata itu lampu ajaib, teringat dong sama cerita zaman dahulu mengenai lampu ajaib katanya kalau dogosok keluar jinnya. Dan ternyata benar setelah digosok keluar sang jin, “Huahahaha pah poh!! Thank’s mister (terima kasih tuan). Now you have three (tiga permintaan).” “Are you sure?” kata tentara itu. “Yes!” Jawab sang jin. “OK, first aku ingin seperti arnol swaseneger, lalu yang kedua aku ingin jadi presiden AS.” “Terus?” kata sang jin. “Yang ketiga, ini-ku kan kecil (sambil menunjuk alat kelaminnya), aku ingin iniku seperti unta ini (sambil menunjuk unta yang jadi kendaraannya).” “Ok!” kata jin, “But all is tomorrow (besok pagi).” Setelah paginya sang intel bangun, wah dia bangga dong melihat tubuhnya besar kayak arnold, terus dia inget permintaannya yang kedua. “Oh iya ini dimana nih…”, setelah buka jendela… wah!!! On the white house (di gedung putih). Udah jadi presiden dong, “Oh iya yang ketiga!!!” dia buka celananya lalu, “Waaaaaa!!!” Ternyata untanya betina!!!

Cerita Lucu Tentang Cewek Bugil

2008-05-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

Ada seorang cewek bugil naik becak. Sepanjang perjalanan, si tukang becak sama sekali tidak mengalihkan pandangannya dari si cewek tersebut. Merasa di perhatikan seperti itu, si cewek tersebut menegur: Cewek : Ada apa mas, kok ngeliatnya seperti itu? Belum pernah ngeliat cewek bugil apa?!!! Tukang Becak : Oh nggak mbak… Saya cuman memperhatikan, kira-kira nanti mbak mengeluarkan uangnya dari mana???

Cerita Lucu Tentang Dokter Gigi

2008-05-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Suatu hari disebuah tempat praktek dokter gigi ada seorang pasien yang sedang berobat. Setelah selesai diobati dan dicabut giginya, si pasien bertanya... Pasien: Berapa Dok, biayanya..? Dokter: Rp.200rb saja... Pasien: Lho, biasanya kan cuma Rp.50rb..! Dokter: Memang.. tapi gara-gara teriakkan anda, 3 pasien saya yang lainnya kabur

Cerita Lucu Tentang Ikut Mama

2008-05-16T09:44:00.001-07:00

Suatu hari sepasang suami istri yang sudah dikaruniai tiga anak, bertengkar hebat. Anak pertama berusia 5 tahun, anak kedua 3 tahun dan anak ketiga masih menyusu pada ibunya. Saking hebatnya pertengkaran itu, piring, gelas dan peralatan rumah tangga lainnya beterbangan dan pecah. Karena istrinya tidak tahan lagi, "Pa, kalau begini terus lebih baik kita cerai! Aku sudah nggak tahan lagi melihat tingkah laku papa!", seru istrinya dengan suara yang keras dan emosi tinggi sambil membanting piring ke lantai. Tidak mau kalah si suami pun membalas dengan suara keras dan penuh emosi tinggi sambil memecahkan gelas ke lantai, "Baik.. baik...! Kalau itu kemauanmu, silahkan kita cerai! Oke, sekarang kita tanya anak-anak, sama siapa nanti ikut! Apa sama saya atau sama kamu!!!". Lalu si suami bertanya pada anak-anaknya sambil membentak dengan di iringi emosi yang masih tinggi, "Ana.. kamu pilih mama atau papa..?". Jawab si Ana dengan lembut dan sopan, "Aku ikut mama..". "Ani.. kamu..?". Jawab Ani pula, "Ikut mama!!!". Karena anak ketiga belum bisa bicara, sambil membentak dengan penuh emosi, "Semua ikut mama, tidak ada yang ikut papa..! Kalau gitu papa ikut mama juga lah!!!!". Istrinya pun langsung jatuh pingsan mendengar mendengar jawaban suaminya tersebut

Cerita Lucu Tentang Permainana ala Afrika

2008-05-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

Salah seorang pejabat Rusia sedang menjamu rekan sejawatnya dari Afrika yang sedang mengadakan kunjungan kenegaraan ke Rusia. Saat yang paling mendebarkan buat tamu Afrika tersebut adalah ketika pejabat Rusia mengajak bermain "Russian Roulette", yaitu sebuah permainan mengadu nasib dengan menarik pelatuk pistol secara bergantian dengan mengarahkan moncong pistol ke kepala sendiri. Sedangkan pistol yang digunakan hanya berisi satu butir peluru. Beruntung tidak sampai terjadi letusan pistol dan pejabat Afrika itupun boleh berlega hati dapat kembali berkumpul bersama keluarganya di Afrika. Kini giliran pejabat Rusia yang tengah mengadakan kunjungan balasan ke Afrika dan mendapatkan jamuan yang sama hangatnya dari kolega Afrika-nya itu. Pada bagian akhir acara perjamuan, pejabat Afrika mengajak pejabat Rusia itu melakukan permainan mengadu nasib. Dia mempersilakan teman Rusia-nya itu memilih salah satu dari lima wanita cantik Afrika yang sudah disediakan untuk dijadikan teman kencan. Kelima wanita cantik itu dijamin sangat terampil melakukan "Blow Job (Oral Sex)". Melihat tantangan seperti itu, tentu saja membuat pejabat Rusia tertawa geli. "Lantas dimana letak serunya permainan ini, jika aku hanya harus memilih wanita cantik yang jago oral sex?", tanya pejabat Rusia. Dengan tenangnya si pejabat Afrika menjelaskan, "Salah satu dari mereka adalah warga suku pedalaman Afrika yang terkenal sebagai suku KANIBAL!". Pejabat Rusia itupun langsung jatuh pingsan...

Cerita Lucu Tentang Malam pertama

2008-05-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Pada suatu malam pertama, sepasang pengantin sedang berduaan didalam kamar. Pengantin pria berkata pada pengantin wanita.. "Gimana, mau aku kasih..?", kata si pria. "Ah.. mas, sekarang aja masukin, aku sudah tidak tahan lagi nih..", jawab si wanita. Lalu si pria mulai memasukkan "P" nya kedalam mulut si wanta dan si wanita pun berteriak keenakan. "Ah.. yes.. lagi.. lagi..", desah si wanita sambil menjilat dan mengemut "P" si pria. Tidak lama setelah itu, cairan putih keluar dari mulut si wanita dan si wanita pingsan karena keracunan permen lolipop putih rasa leci yang telah kadaluarsa.

Cerita Lucu Tentang Miss V

2008-05-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

Suatu hari diadakan kontes kesaktian (maaf) vagina di stadion senayan. Pesertanya dari Indonesia, Jepang, dan Thailand... Peserta pertama dari Thailand maju ke panggung. Sesaat kemudian dia menanggalkan seluruh pakaiannya dan membuka kakinya lebar-lebar. Dengan satu gerakan ia memukulkan durian monthong ke vaginanya dan durian itupun pecah terbelah menjadi empat. Penonton pun sangat kagum dengan aksinya. Peserta kedua maju ke panggung, seorang wanita Jepang dengan membawa samurai. Setelah membuka pakaiannya dan melebarkan kakinya, ia pun melakukan atraksi yang mustahil, yaitu memasukkan samurai ke dalam vaginanya sendiri, dan penonton lebih terkejut lagi karena samurai tersebut tembus sampai ke mulut wanita Jepang itu. Kontan saja seluruh penonton bersorak kagum. Giliran terakhir peserta dari Indonesia, seorang wanita dengan tubuh kurus kering kerontang busung lapar pula, naik ke atas panggung, mendadak stadion senayan berubah ricuh. Setelah keadaan tenang si wanita Indonesia akhirnya bersedia menampilkan atraksinya walaupun dengan badan basah kuyup terkena lemparan botol air oleh penonton. Setelah si wanita Indonesia membuka seluruh pakaiannya dan melebarkan kakinya, ia pun menarik nafas dalam, dan dengan satu gerakan ia memasukkan sebatang singkong putih kedalam vaginanya. Setelah menunggu selama beberapa saat, wanita Indonesia ini pun akhirnya mengeluarkan singkong tersebut. Dan apa yang terjadi??? Ternyata singkongnya telah berubah menjadi Tape! Akhirnya wanita Indonesia yang keluar sebagai pemenang!

Cerita Lucu Tentang Sales

2008-05-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Seorang sales sedang mencoba membujuk seorang petani untuk membeli sebuah sepeda. Si petani menolak untuk membeli sebuah sepeda, tapi ternyata si sales tampaknya tidak mudah menyerah. “Hei … daripada membeli sepeda, lebih baik aku habiskan uangku untuk pelihara sapi,” kata si petani. “Ah,” jawab si sales, “tapi coba pikir deh … Anda akan sangat terlihat bodoh jika Anda bepergian dengan mengendarai seekor sapi.” “Huhh!!” hardik si petani. “Apakah tidak lebih bodoh jika orang melihatku memerah sebuah sepeda!”

Cerita Lucu Tentang Komplain

2008-05-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yuni masuk ke sebuah perpustakaan dan berdiri di depan seorang pegawai perpustakaan tersebut sambil berkata, “Saya mau komplain!”

“Ada apa, Nona?” sang petugas perpustakaan balik bertanya.

“Minggu lalu aku meminjam sebuah buku dari perpustakaan ini, dan buku tersebut sangat tidak bermutu!” jelas Yuni.

“Memangnya kenapa, Nona?”

“Hurufnya kecil-kecil, tidak ada spasi, tidak ada paragrafnya, semuanya hanya huruf-huruf, tidak ada gambar menarik, dan yang paling menyedihkan, buku itu sama sekali tidak menceritakan apapun padahal ada banyak nama orang di dalamnya!”

Petugas perpustakaan itu langsung terbelalak dan berkata, “Aha …. Jadi Andalah orang yang membawa buku telepon kami yang hilang minggu lalu!”

Cerita Lucu Tentang Wardoyo dan Warni

2008-05-16T09:36:00.002-07:00

Pengalaman Wardoyo sewaktu SMP. Pada waktu itu, seorang pelajar SMP bernama Wardoyo sedang jatuh cinta kepada temannya yang bernama Warni. Karena Wardoyo ini orangnya penakut dan kurang PD, jadi dia nggak berani menyatakan cintanya ke Warni. Setelah selama sebulan berpikir gimana caranya dapetin Warni akhirnya Wardoyo memutuskan untuk memberikan sebuah hadiah kepada Warni. Setelah berpikir panjang, Wardoyo memutuskan untuk memberikan hadiah topi kepada Warni. Untuk menjalankan niatnya, Wardoyo pergi ke Ramayana dept. store. Setelah mendapatkan topi pilihannya, Wardoyo bergegas untuk membayar ke kasir. Karena suasana di Ramayana dept. store waktu itu lagi ramai (pas lagi ada discount) jadi kasir yg biasa membungkus barang-barang agak sedikit kerepotan, akibatnya bungkusan topi yang dibeli Wardoyo itu tertukar dengan bungkusan yang dibeli wanita disamping Wardoyo. Ternyata wanita disampingnya Wardoyo itu membeli celana dalam. Karena udah nggak sabar untuk memberikan hadiah ke Warni, tanpa memeriksa isi bungkusan itu lagi Wardoyo langsung memberi pesan di bungkusannya yang berbunyi : Warni, saya sengaja memberikan hadiah ini ke kamu karena saya tahu kalau kamu jarang memakai ini sewaktu bepergian. Saya sengaja pilih yang warna merah karena saya pernah melihat kamu pakai yang warna biru. Saya yakin sekali ukurannya pas untuk kamu, karena sebelum membeli saya sudah mencobanya dan ukuran kita kan sama. Rasanya saya ingin sekali memakaikan ini ke kamu untuk yang pertama kalinya. Warni, kalau kamu senang dengan hadiah ini, saya berharap kamu memakainya pada hari Jumat besok.

Temanmu, Wardoyo.

NB: Oya, model terakhir yang sering saya lihat di film dan majalah, memakainya agak sedikit diturunkan kebawah dengan sedikit rambut terlihat

Cerita lucu tentang Lingkaran

2008-05-16T09:36:00.001-07:00

Sepasang pengantin baru yang masih lugu kebingungan untuk melakukan hubungan sex pada malam pertama mereka. “Apakah kau tahu apa yang harus kita lakukan” tanya sang istri. “Wah, aku pun tidak mengerti sayang” jawab sang suami. “Tapi aku ada ide, mari kita ke bar yang banyak pelautnya. Semua orang tahu bahwa pelaut ahli dalam hal sex. Mari kita minta salah satu pelaut mengajari kita”. Singkat cerita mereka pergi ke bar dan menemukan seorang pelaut yang bersedia memberikan “pelajaran”. “Baiklah, mari kita ke kamar di atas untuk mengajari kalian apa yang harus dilakukan” jawab sang pelaut dengan senang hati. Di dalam kamar, sang pelaut menggambar sebuah lingkaran dilantai dan berkata pada sang suami “Kamu harus berdiri dalam lingkaran dan tidak boleh keluar walau apapun yang terjadi” Singkat cerita, sang pelaut melakukan kewajiban sang suami terhadap sang istri. Setelah selesai, dia mendapati sang suami sedang terkikik-kikik sendiri di dalam lingkaran. “Hei bung, kenapa kau tertawa?” tanya sang pelaut. “Aku sudah keluar lingkaran dua kali, tapi kau tidak memperhatikan…”

Cerita Lucu Tentang Warnet

2008-05-16T09:35:00.001-07:00

Pada suatu hari ada seseorang bernama Tukul Arwana, di hari minggu dia merasa sangat bosan.

Tukul Arwana: “duh….Bosan bgt gw di rumah…mana bau apek lagi,mending gw k warnet aja lah..” Sesampainya di warnet dekat rumahnya… Tukul Arwana:”wah,masih buka nih jam 3 pagi begini…” Tukul Arwana:”mas,warnet nya msh buka?” Penjaga warnet:”Iya mas,Warnet ini buka 24 jam Non Stop” Tukul Arwana:”Oooh…gak ngantuk apa mas?” Penjaga warnet:”Gak mas…Kita jaganya kan bergantian,shift-shiftan gitu…” Tiba-tiba Tukul Arwana tampak bingung sambil melihat pintu warnet tersebut…. Penjaga warnet:”Kenapa mas?Ada yang mau ditanyain lagi?” Tukul Arwana:”iya nih mas…Ada satu yang masih ngebuat saya bingung…” Penjaga warnet:”Apa tuh mas?” Tukul Arwana:”Warnet ini kan buka 24 jam,kenapa pintunya ada lubang kuncinya ya?”

Cerita Lucu Tentang Tono

2008-05-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Ada dua anak kembar namanya Tono dan Tino. Tono mempunyai sebuah perahu dayung yang sudah sangat tua. Kok kebetulan suatu hari istrinya si Tino itu meninggal bersamaan dengan hari tenggelamnya perahu dayung si Tono itu. Beberapa hari kemudian seorang wanita tua melihat Tono, dan secara tidak sengaja salah mengenalinya sebagai Tino yang kehilangan istrinya itu. Kata wanita itu kepada Tono, “Saya turut sedih atas kehilangan anda. Anda pasti merasa sedih.” Nah si Tono mengira bahwa wanita itu berbicara tentang perahu dayungnya itu, menjawab “Sebenarnya sih saya bisa dibilang malah senang karena bisa menyingkirkannya. Dia sudah amat tua sekali bahkan sudah jelek dari pertama kalinya. Bagian bawahnya sudah lapuk dan berbau amis sekali. Bagian punggungnyapun sudah sangat jelek dan lubang di bagian depannya sudah sangat lebar. Setiap kali aku menggunakannya, lubangnya bertambah besar dan dia bocor tidak karuan. Saya kira yang mengakhirinya adalah ketika saya menyewakan dia kepada 4 orang pemuda yang sedang bersenang-senang tempo hari. Saya sudah memperingatkan mereka bahwa dia sudah tidak begitu enak dipakai tapi mereka masih juga mau menggunakannya. Mereka berempat mencoba masuk ke dalam bersamaan dan akhirnya dia terbelah persis di tengah- tengah.” Wanita tua itupun pingsan…

Cerita lucu tentang Tapos

2008-05-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ada kunjungan ke Tapos (peternakan Suharto) yang dilakukan oleh peserta seminar keluarga harmonis, pemandu Tapos menceritakan bahwa sapi disini sangat sehat-sehat dan kuat-kuat. Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan" Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : "Tuh.. Pak 5 kali sehari bisa nggak ...?" Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi sehari bisa 10 kali" Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : "Tuh.. pak 10 kali bayangin .....!!!", Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu : "Pak ... itu 10 kali dengan betinanya yang sama apa nggak ...?" Pemandu : "ya... nggak lah Pak" Bapak-bapak : "Tuh... Bu betinanya beda- beda boleh nggak ...?" Ibu-ibu cemberut dan diam

Cerita lucu tentang Permaisuri

2008-05-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Pada jaman dahulu kala ada satu kerajaan yang diperintah oleh seorang raja yang mempunyai sifat cemburu yang besar terhadap istrinya karena sang permaisuri dikabarkan mempunyai kecantikan yang alang kepalang. Oleh karena itu setiap pegawai dan prajurit kerajaan yang berani mengganggu akan dihukum berat. Pada satu saat ketika Baginda Raja mau berburu ke hutan, dia bingung memikirkan cara terbaik untuk melindungi sang permaisuri dari pegawai2 dan prajurit2nya. Sudah menjadi rahasia umum bahwa sang permaisuri suka dengan ' daun-daun muda ' . Akhirnya setelah berunding dg penasehat kerajaan, diputuskan untuk memasang jebakan di alat kelamin permaisuri. Jebakan tersebut sangat efektif sehingga barang siapapun atau barang apapun yang masuk kesana otomatis akan terpotong. Dengan hati tenang dia meninggalkan kerajaan dan tak lupa menitip pesan kepada mahapatih untuk menjaga sang permaisuri. Sengaja sang raja tidak menyebarluaskan jebakan ini dan dia juga mengancam sang permaisuri. Setelah sekian minggu berburu, raja pulang dan langsung mengadakan ' sidak ' kepada seluruh bawahannya. "Semua pegawai dan prajurit berbaris didepan saya dan buka celana kalian...Cepat !!!", suara sang raja menggelegar ke penjuru istana.Berbarislah mereka semua termasuk si mahapatih. Setelah sang raja inspeksi barisan, didapati semua ' burung ' pegawai dan prajuritnya buntung ! Murkalah sang raja,"Kalian pengkhianat, semuanya masuk penjara dan masing2 dicambuk 100 kali !" Tapi begitu dia sampai ke ujung barisan, didapati ' burung ' Mahapatih dalam keadaan sehat wal ' afiat alias masih lengkap, sang Raja puas," Hebat kamu mahapatih, kamu bisa menahan nafsu kamu". Lalu Mahapatih menghaturkan sembah yang paling dalam. "Oleh karena kesetiaan kamu, saya beri hadiah tanah dan rumah beserta isi2nya di timur kerajaan", kata raja. Jawab Mahapatih,"TLIMA KATIH PATUKA LADA"

Cerita Lucu tentang dibawah itu sedikit

2008-05-15T19:03:00.002-07:00

3 orang professor masing2 dari AS,Jerman dan Indonesia mengadakan konferensi teknologi di Bali,masing2 mereka menceritakan hasil penelitian terbaru mereka : AS : Di negara saya Pesawat terbang udah dapat mencapai ketinggian sama dengan matahari Jer & INDO : AH...Masaa..??? AS : Hee..hee di bawah-bawah itu sedikit.. Jer & Indo : OOOO.....Gitu..mmmmm Jerman : Dinegara saya mobil udah bisa lari dengan kecapatan 100 Km/Mnt AS & Indo : Hahh..masa ' ...iya..????? Jerman : Hee..di bawah- bawah itu sedikit.. As & Indo : OOO..hmmmm..Iya..ya. Indonesia : Di indonesia seorang wanita dapat melahirkan dari Lobang pusarnya... AS & Jer : Hahh..Gile..yang Benar..!!! Indonesia : emmm..di bawah - bawah itu sedikit...

Cerita lucu tentang Taxi

2008-05-15T19:03:00.001-07:00

Seorang berada dalam sebuah taxi .. lalu ibu tersebut kebelet pipis lalu ia bertanya kepada supirnya : Ny : "Pak supir saya kebelet pipis nih ... bisa minggir dulu nggak Pak ! ..." Supir : "Wah nggak bisa bu disini banyak polisi .... kalau ibu bener kebelet, pipis dari dalam aja bu...tapi dibuangnya keluar ya bu ..... Lalu si ibu menuruti kata si supir, di bukalah jendela dan pipislah ibu itu dari dalam taxi ...., tetapi ketika ingin selesai ada pengendara motor PM) yang ngebut dari sisi jendela tsb ...... lalu pengendara motor tsb memberhentikan taxi tersebut, dan ibu itu langsung merapihkan diri ..... PM : " saya mau tanya siapa yang ngeludahin saya tadi ....." Ny : " maaf pak ... tadi saya tidak sengaja .......soalnya....!! " PM : " sudah , .. Ibu nggak perlu minta maaf ... saya sempat melihat tadi ..walaupun sebentar saya tau pelakunya itu bewokan ..... " Ny : " !@#$!%^% ...... "

Cerita Lucu tentang Tukang Roti

2008-05-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

Waktu itu ada tukang roti lewat, terus temen gue -- Cemplon -- manggil, kontan tukang roti itu nyamperin kita yang lagi duduk-duduk santai ditaman deket rumah. Cemplon : "Ada roti apa ' an aja, Bang?" Tkg. Roti : "Macem-macem, Neng!" Cemplon : "Ini apa ' an, Bang?" Tkg. Roti : "Ini nanas." Cemplon : "Kalo yang ini?" Tkg. Roti : "Ini mah kelapa, Neng." Cemplon : "Nah, kalo yang ini???" Tkg. Roti : "Kalo yang ini mah, srikaya" Cemplon : "Roti-nya mana, Bang??? Dari tadi buah-buahan melulu???"

Cerita lucu tentang Surga

2008-05-15T19:01:00.002-07:00

Seorang anak bertanya kepada Ibu nya : "Mengapa surgaku dibawak telapak kaki Ibu ?" Dengan tenang si Ibu menjawab : "Kalo diantara kaki, itu surga Bapakmu, nak!!!".

Cerita lucu tentang Warto

2008-05-15T19:01:00.001-07:00

Kisah sukses dalam waktu setahun, WARTO dapat sekaligus mendirikan WARTEL, WARNET dan WARTEG, tetapi WARTI hanya butuh waktu 1/2 menit , dapat mendirikan WARTO.

Cerita lucu tentang BH

2008-05-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

Seorang lelaki Indonesia telah disengat kemaluannya oleh lebah saat berdoa di dalam di kuil, lalu dia berdoa : "Ya tuhan, hilangkan sakitnya, tetapi kekalkan bengkaknya.

Cerita Lucu dari Blog lain..

2008-05-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

Begini pagi ini aku lagi browsing ketemulah ceritanya mau tahu.....ini dia JELASKAN PADAKU !!! Ada sepasang suami istri yang sudah menikah 20 tahun. Uniknya, setiap kali melakukan hubungan suami istri, si suami selalu minta lampu dimatikan. "Udah, deh, ini bener-bener stupid!" kata si istri dalam hati. "Pokoknya malam ini lampu akan gua nyalain!" tekadnya. Begitulah, ketika malam itu mereka tengah bercinta, si istri segera menghidupkan lampu kamar. Betapa kagetnya ia ketika melihat suaminya tengah memegang alat bantu seks. Si istri benar-benar kecewa dan marah. "Jadi selama 20 tahun ini kamu menipu aku??? Kamu ternyata impoten!!! Jelaskan padaku semua ini!!!!" Si suami menatap istrinya lekat-lekat dan dengan tenang berkata, "Aku akan jelaskan semua ini jika kamu menjelaskan siapa ayah dari ketiga anak di rumah ini." Hua hua hua......lucu enggak he...hua hua hua

Situs Depkominfo diacak acak Hacker....

2008-05-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

Ini aku nemu postingan Cak wid ( Guru saya yang Beliau enggak tahu aku ngangsu kawruh secara Maya ) di blognya mengenai situs Depkominfo yang diacak acak Hacker.... Weleh weleh...akhirnya jadi ribut ,...mau tahu berita selanjutnya ini aku kasih secara utuh : Situs Depkominfo diacak-acak ter-deface (berubah wajah) sepekan setelah disahkannya Undang-undang Transaksi dan Elektronik (ITE) Pelaku deface menayangkan foto cowok bertelanjang dada, wajahnya berupa pria berkumis dengan rambut poni panjang menutupi sebagian keningnya. Saya sendiri tidak tahu wajah aslinya karena hanya membaca beritanya di detikinet, mungkin yang dimaksud adalah Raden Mas Roy Suryo. Pesan yang ditinggalkan pelaku deface, “Selamat yeee pemerintah * suit suit * kami mengucapkan selamat atas disahkannya UU ITE dan pornografi. Dengan ini kami menyatakan dukungan sepenuhnya terhadap pemerintah. Buktikan UU iniBuktikan UU ini dibuat bukan untuk menutupi kebodohan pemerintah. cihuyyyyyyyyyyy…..” Roy Suryo menuding “Kelompok blogger dan hacker yang selalu bertindak negatif adalah pelakunya. Hal ini membuktikan, yang namanya blogger dan hacker Indonesia belum bisa mencerminkan citra positif.” We lha dalah… ngapain om Roy nyebut-nyebut blogger segala? Maksudnya apa blogger disandingkan dengan hacker? Entah mengapa Roy Suryo seperti menyimpan dendam dengan blogger. Roy Suryo yang selama ini dikenal di televisi sebagai pakar TeleMatika mungkin merasa terkucil di dunia maya yang seharusnya menjadi dunianya orang telematika. Sedikit sekali opini masyarakat internet yang positif terhadap Roy Suryo, sebagian besar pendapat masyarakat di internet bernada sinis mengenai pakar perlendiran yang satu ini. Roy Suryo sepanjang yang saya ketahui tidak memiliki website atau blog di internet, entah karena tidak bisa bikinnya atau takut diisi komentar-komentar negatif tentang dirinya. Roy Suryo selama ini memanfaatkan media televisi untuk menampilkan diri sebagai seorang pakar, ungkapan favoritnya adalah kontrol-A,kontrol-C,kontrol-V untuk menggambarkan mudahnya penyalinan suatu file komputer,suatu istilah yang membuat berdecak kagum masyarakat yang belum tahu komputer . Roy Suryo telah banyak mempublikasikan hasil penelitiannya terhadap gambar-gambar porno sehingga tidak heran jika Roy Suryo sering disebut pakar pornomatika sesuai spesialisasi kepakarannya menentukan gambar porno itu asli atau palsu. Dengan disahkannya UU ITE yang mencakup pelarangan pornografi, bisa dipastikan Roy Suryo bakal kehilangan salah satu kegiatannya memelototi meneliti gambar porno. Namun selain meneliti foto porno Roy Suryo juga pernah mengklaim menemukan video lagu Indonesia Raya 3 Stanza hasil copy-an dari komputer temannya, mungkin suatu saat nanti jika tidak ada lagi kerjaan om Roy akan mengungkap Lagu Kucing Garong 5 Stanza. Gawat bukan kalau kita kita yang suka blog dituduh begitu.....,ya embuhlah....

Kata-kata yang membawa keberuntungan :

2008-05-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ita baru masuk SMU, masa-masa pubernya bikin dia centil dan suka ngerjain orang. Kali ini dia dapet kata-kata baru buat ngerjain orang. Hari pertama, dia nelepon temannya : "Rin, gue udah tau semuanya !" "Hah.." Suara disana terdengar lemas."Ta, elu jangan bilang Indri kalo gue jalan sama cowoknya ya Ta. Gue ada voucher makan di HokBen, elu jangan bilang-bilang yah. Sori gue cuma bisa ngasih itu doang." "Okelah, gue sih terima aja, lu kan temen gue." Begitu telepon ditutup, Ita langsung teriak girang. "Wah oke juga nih, gue dapet voucher HokBen !! Coba gue praktekin lagi." Kali ini Ita masuk kamar kakaknya dan langsung bicara pelan didekat kuping kakaknya yang lagi tiduran. "Wer, gue udah tau semuanya. Ternyata gitu ya Wer." Dower langsung bangun, mengambil sebuah kunci dan berbisik pada Ita. "Ta, lu boleh pake mobil sebulan penuh plus gue kasih bensinnya. TApi jangan bilang Papi kalo gue nge-gele yah !!!" "BEres. " Ita benar-benar girang, kali ini dia mencegat Papinya yang baru pulangkerja. "Pah,." Ita mengejar Papinya yang cuek bebek "Pah, Ita mau ngomong." "Ada apa sih Ta ?!! Papa capek nih." "Ita udah tau semuanya Pah..." Mendadak PApanya celingukan, mengeluarkan HP dan menelepon seseorang "Ta, Credit Card kamu udah Papa aktifkan lagi. Tapi !!! Jangan pernah bilang Mama soal si Astrid." Ita girang campur sebel. Ternyata Papanya menduakan Mama cuma demi pembantunya si Astrid Ita langsung berlari tanpa sepatah katapun Diluar, Ita bertemu Pak Udi, sopirnya yang sudah belasan tahun bekerja dirumahnya. Ita mulai usil lagi. Dia kesal juga, pasti dia tau soal si Astrid, tapi bungkam selama ini, gue kerjain juga nih, pikirnya. "Pak !!!" Ita benar-benar membuat kaget sopirnya "Saya sudah tau semuanya." Pak Udi terbengong, dan perlahan meneteskan airmata. Ita malah bingung. "Ita !!! Peluklah Bapakmu ini Sayang. Akhirnya kau tahu juga Nak !"

Garuk Punggung

2008-05-15T13:07:00.001-07:00

Sepasang suami istri sama-sama bekerja di bidang IT, tetapi si suami lebih sering menghabiskan waktunya main komputer sepanjang hari, ibaratnya makan, tidur terus di depan komputer. Si istri akhirnya menyadari betapa parahnya pengaruh komputer bagi suaminya, saat satu kali ia mencoba membantu menggaruk punggung suaminya yg sedang gatal. Si suami berkata, "Bukan di situ, `scroll` ke bawah dikit!"

Surat Cinta Hacker

2008-05-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Seandainya hatimu adalah sebuah system, maka aku akan scan kamu untuk mengetahui port mana yang terbuka Sehingga tidak ada keraguan saat aku c:\> nc -l -o -v -e ke hatimu,tapi aku hanya berani ping di belakang anonymouse proxy, inikah rasanya jatuh cinta sehingga membuatku seperti pecundang atau aku memang pecundang sejati whatever! Seandainya hatimu adalah sebuah system, ingin rasanya aku manfaatkan vulnerabilitiesmu, pake PHP injection Terus aku ls -la; find / -perm 777 -type d,sehingga aku tau kalo di hatimu ada folder yang bisa ditulisi atau adakah free space buat aku?. apa aku harus pasang backdor "Remote Connect-Back Shell"jadi aku tinggal nunggu koneksi dari kamu saja, biar aku tidak merana seperti ini. Seandainya hatimu adalah sebuah system, saat semua request-ku diterima aku akan nogkrong terus di bugtraq untuk mengetahui bug terbarumu maka aku akan patch n pacth terus,aku akan jaga service-mu jangan sampai crash n aku akan menjadi firewallmu aku akan pasang portsentry, dan menyeting error pagemu " The page cannot be found Coz Has Been Owned by Someone get out!" aku janji gak bakalan ada macelinious program atau service yang hidden, karena aku sangat sayang dan mencintaimu. Seandainya hatimu adalah sebuah system, jangan ada kata "You dont have permission to access it" untuk aku, kalau ga mau di ping flood Atau DDos Attack jangan ah....! kamu harus menjadi sang bidadari penyelamatku. Seandainya hatimu adalah sebuah system, ...? Tapi sayang hatimu bukanlah sebuah system, kamu adalah sang bidadari impianku, yang telah mengacaukan systemku! Suatu saat nanti aku akan datang n mengatakan kalau di hatiku sudah terinfeksi virus yang Menghanyutkan, Ga ada anti virus yang dapat menangkalnya selain ...kamu.

Clubing

2008-05-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

Tiga mahasiswa IT clubbing sebelum ujian akhir. Besoknya, mereka nggak siap untuk ikut ujian akhir. Mereka memutuskan untuk tidak datang, terus sepakat ngarang cerita, lalu belajar selama seminggu. Seminggu kemudian, mereka bertiga menghadap professor, mereka cerita bahwa mereka pergi ke pedalaman kalimantan naik jip, terus ban mereka meledak, sementara ban cadangan mereka kempes. Makan waktu 3 hari untuk jalan kembali ke Pontianak, terus pulang naik pesawat ke Jakarta... Kata professor, "Ya udah, kalo ban kalian kempes gitu, bukan salah kalian kan. Sekarang ikut saya..." Mereka di kasih 2 buah soal, mereka di pisah, di suruh masuk kelas yang berbeda-beda, lalu mulai ujian... Pertanyaan pertama, (5 poin)Apakah singkatan dari RAM? mereka bertiga mikir... wah gampang bangeet... (RAM = Random Access Memory) Pertanyaan kedua, (95 poin) Ban yang mana yang kempes? Mampuuussss...

Komputer Baru

2008-05-15T13:03:00.001-07:00

Ucup baru saja belajar mengenal dunia perkomputeran. Ada-ada aja kejadian yang dia alami. Suatu siang Ucup menelepon toko tempat dia baru saja membeli printer barunya, "Halo, selamat siang, ini Ucup. Saya tidak bisa ngeprint nih Pak. Setiap saat saya coba klik 'print' di monitor saya malah keluar tulisan 'Can't Find Printer' (printer tidak ditemukan). Padahal printernya udah saya taruh persis di depan monitor lho, Pak!" Pada hari yang lain Ucup ketakutan sebab dia menghilangkan sesuatu dari monitornya, dan menelepon sebuah toko komputer, "Wah ada masalah gawat nih, Pak. Temanku baru saja memasang 'Screen Saver' di monitorku. Tapi setiap saya menggerakkan mouse, 'screen savernya' hilang

Praktek Jurus Merayu Cewek Dari Email

2008-05-15T13:01:00.001-07:00

Si Asep sedang membaca emailnya, dan ada artikel menarik tentang cara berkenalan dengan (baca: merayu) cewek. Salah satunya adalah dengan memulai perbincangan seperti berikut : Cowok : "Maaf, mbak. Mbak punya obeng, ngga?" Cewek : "Ha? Nggak.." Cowok : "Kalo nomer hp punya kan?" ..... Akhirnya, Asep Surasep ingin mencoba "rayuan maut" tersebut. Dan... Di suatu taman... Asep : "Maaf, mbak. Mbak punya obeng nggak?" Cewek : "Punya... Mau yang plus atau minus?" Asep : "Eh?!?,..ngg..yang minus aja mbak. Kalo palu punya nggak?" Cewek : "Punya juga.. nih.." Asep : "(Damn..) ?? Kalo kunci inggris, ada nggak?" (dengan penuh pengharapan agar si cewek menjawab "tidak") Cewek : "Ooo.. itu juga ada... dari ukuran 10 sampai 20. Mas mau yang mana?" Asep : "(buset...).. DAAMMMN...!! F&^%**K.... To the point aja deh, mbak. Mbak punya nomer hape nggak?" Cewek : "Ooo.. ini.. (sambil menyodorkan kartu nama dan brosur Ace hardware). Kalo mas butuh perkakas, hubungi saya aja. Saya kebetulan di bagian sales Ace Hardware, pusat perkakas yang terlengkap. Ace hardware gitu lho!!!..." Asep : "....nasiiib...." (sambil pergi dengan tertunduk lesu..)

Tips buat yang ...gak punya pacar

2008-05-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

Kamu terlanjur masuk dan sengaja atau tidak membaca tulisan ini..? Ok tidak jadi masalah. intinya kamu ingin tau. Jgn cuma bisa mecahin masalah org lain aja, kalo kamu liat tulisan ini, kamu tertarik membacanya, berarti kamu jg sedang punya masalah.. yaitu sedang sendiri, jadi Jablay (Jarang di belay).. jangan kawatir gw punya solusinya. Untuk menggait seseorang agar mendekati kamu tidak susah sebenernya.. Menurut pengalaman gw yg uda belasan thn menyelidiki tentang kelemahan, Sifat, Karakter, Ego, dan lain-lain dari manusia, akhirnya tidak sulit untuk hal ini. Kuncinya memahami. Tips 1 Kamu harus sedikit caper (cari perhatian), jgn malu karna itu sangat di perlukan agar si doi dpt mengenal kamu. Orang tdk akan mengenal kita dengan cuma skilas pandang. Agar kita bs dengan mudah di ingat oleh Doi atau siapapun di bumi ini kita harus buat suatu sensasi.. kamu bisa tunjukan prestasimu di depan semua orang, kalo bisa kamu terkenal dan mempunyai gelar.. Medapatkan gelar gak perlu sekolah tinggi, atau sampe keluar negri.. cara mudahnya seperti ini. Bangun tengah malam, lalu berjalan ke arah rumah doi, atau rumah lurah sekalian.. buka jendela, lalu ambil beberapa barang, dan kamu bawa keluar lalu berjalan di tmpat yg ada penjaganya. jika ia teriak maliiingg… kamu jgn lari, biarkan kamu tertangkap, nanti setelah kejadian itu kamu di jamin dapet gelar baru.. Misal nama kamu si Anu, dan akan menjadi si Anu Maling atau kerennya si A-Mal (anu maling) Tips 2 Jika cara seperti yg diatas tidak ampuh, kamu bisa ikutin cara yg ke dua.. Biasanya ini paling ampuh… Tips ini menggunakan kata-kata.. tidak semua orang dapat mengerti dengan perbuatan atau di sebut juga tingkah laku. Jika kita hanya menunjukan tingkah laku, perbuatan tersebut bernilai tapi tidak sempurna jika tidak kita katakan. agar mendapat nilai Plus, unkapkan padanya. Contoh: Doi lagi pulang kerja, sekolah, atau apalah.. Kamu sedang nongkrong main gitar, main judi, mabok atau apalah itu yang pastinya kamu sedang melihat dia. Cara tepat agar si doi langsung mendatangimu, menciummu, atau mungkin keluarganya datang kerumahmu ialah dengan cara maki dia habis-habisan, hina dia, atau cela dengan kata-kata yg sangat menyakitkan. Di jamin doi datengi kamu, mencium pipimu dengan telapak tangannya, atau datang dengan keluarganya kerumahmu. Tips 3 Yang inininininini… di jamin super ampuh buanget… Warisan dari eyang guoblok… gunakan jikalau cara sebelumnya tidak manjur. ini di sebut dengan cara gaib.. Jurus ini di namakan dengan sebutan “PEMANGGIL JASAT” Untuk menggunakan ilmu ini gak perlu repot2 puasa mutih, senin kamis atau sebulan gak makan. Yg perlu di lakukan adalah memunguti batu-batu di jln (salah satu ritualnya) gak perlu banyak, menurut kamu cukup ya sudah. Caranya: Batu-batu yg kamu kumpulin tadi kamu lemparkan ke doi, kalo bisa pas di kepalanya sampe keluar darah.. Di jamin Doi datengin kamu bersama keluarganya serta pak Polisi yg siap dengan borgolnya.. kamu jgn kawatir dulu, karna kamu akan dianggap orang gila bila ikutin tips ini.. ya palingan rumah sakit jiwa

Ketawa enggak kamu .........?

2008-05-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

Lele apakah yang sangat ditakuti manusia normal tapi dipuja anak-anak???? Leletabis *Lolly apa yang manis? Lollyatin aja gue..... *Kalo teletubbies kebanyakan makan jadi apa? buletabis *Kalo teletubbies kebanyakan makan MSG jadi apa? bolotabis *Kalo teletubbies digigit anjing gila jadi apa? Kenarabies *Sebutin 3 jagoan tertolol! 3. Superman--pake kolor diluar 2. Robin--pake kolor doang 1. Batman-- udah tau Superman ama Robin tolol, masih ditemenin *Apa bahasa inggrisnya keramas? golden monkey! wakakakaka *Rambo lahirnya dimana? di turunan, waktu nganterin ibunya, mobil bapaknya remnya blong,si ibu bilang rem bo'! *Kenapa monyet jatoh dari pohon ? monyetnya kepleset *Kenapa tarzan jatoh dari pohon? dikiranya jatoh dari pohon lagi ngetrend *Baso apa yang bisa berenang ? baso ikan *Binatang..binatang apa yang paling haram? babi hamil, soalnya MENGANDUNG BABI..hahah *Produser apa yang namanya mirip sama kata pepatah? tiada rotan raampun jabi *Kenapa superman bisa terbang? soalnya kalo nyetir mobil namanya supir maaan! *Apa persamaan telpon ama jemuran? Kalo kering diangkat. Hihihi *Kenapa ayam kalo nyebrang ngga liat kiri- kanan? Karena nggak ada mobil *Minuman apa yang bisa nebak ?? MILO, kan ada tuh milo-milo on the wall, who's the preety girl of all... *Gimana caranya ngehilangin Bau pete di mulut? Makan Jengkol *Kenapa dulu banget superman terbang dengan satu tangan deket dada? soalnya masih manual *Kenapa batman sama robin keluarnya malem? kalo pagi ada three-in-one *Kenapa superman sama spiderman kostumnya biru-merah? beli bahannya patungan *Kenapa ngga item? bahan item abis dibeli batman yang dateng lebih pagi *Kenapa dulu supermen kalo terbang tangan kirinya ditekuk? pesnelingnya blom matic *Kenapa sekarang dua-duanya dilempengin ke depan? udah ada cruise control *Kapan batman ditangkep polisi? pagi-pagi abis beli bahan *Kenapa batman bersayap? Supaya tidak berkerut dan tidak tembus ke samping....... *Apa bahasa chinanya anak kecil terpeleset? Lichin thong... *Kenapa orang batak nggak pernah bisa jadi pilot?... Bayangin aja kalo lagi terbang terus teriak2..."oper..oper... oper belakang!!..." *Apa bedanya tukang pajak ama palak? Kalo tukang pajak nagihnya pake surat, kalo tukang palak pake urat *Kenapa anjing laut berkumis..? Karena mo nakutin kucing laut *Kenapa di bajaj ga ada nyamuk? Nyamuk sini cuma takut Tiga Roda *Hewan apa yang makanannya aneh? Belalang kupu-kupu, klo siang makan nasi klo malem minum susu. *Ada orang buta, tuli, bisu makan di restoran, yg bayar siapa? Yang buta, ultah. Penyanyi dunia asal Aceh yang tewas bunuh diri.... Cut Cobain. Dua artis yang sangat tinggi.... Lulu Tebing dan Jeremy Monas. Ayam terbesar adalah.... Ayam semesta. Bakso yang wangi.... Baksona Roll On Deodorant. Bangsawan Inggris yang terkenal dengan acara lawaknya di TV....Sir Mulat. Fisikawan terkenal dari Batak.... Sir Isaac Nasution. Bebek yang terkenal.... Bebekstreet Boys. Bola yang disukai anak kecil.... Bolaemon. Buah yang bikin bingung.... Strawberry (bingung, kan?) Setelah bulan yang ada sekarang ini, kelak ada bulan apalagi?........ Bulan depan. Apa itu cemilan? .Cebelum cepuluh, cecudah celapan. Emping yang khusus buat UMPTN.... Emping-sil 2B. Mengapa dalang membawa keris ketika pertunjukan wayang?.. Sebab kalau bawa kompor, istrinya gak masak. Daun yang lucu.... Dauno, Kasino, Indro. Error yang bisa nyanyi.... Errorsmith. Es yang bikin panas dingin dan pusing-pusing.... essai. Gajah apa yang belalainya pendek?.....Gajah pesek. Kenapa babi bau? .Karena keteknya ada 4. Kenapa Superman nggak kawin ama Wonderwoman?.....Ya...nggak jodoh. Anjing apa yang bisa terbang? .....Anjing??....bukannya burung?? Rambut putih namanya uban, rambut merah namanya pirang, kalo rambut hijau namanya apa? .. Rambutan belum mateng. Kenapa sepatu Superman warnanya merah? ................ Biar matching ama sayapnya. Kenapa lambang Negara Indonesia "Burung Garuda"? ....Karena IndonesiaMerdeka Tanggal 17 Agustus 1945: 17 bulu sayap Garuda, 8 bulu ekor, 45 bulu leher. Coba kalau merdeka-nya tanggal 02 Januari 1945: 2 bulu sayap, 1 bulu ekor, 45 bulu leher . Jadi lambangnya "Capung "Gondrong". Kenapa ayam kalo berkokok matanya merem? .Karena udah hapal teksnya. Apa persamaan tukang becak sama tukang bakso?....Sama-sama nggak jual sate! Kopi apa yang bisa menggigit?..Kopiting Bulu apa yang warnanya kuning semua?...Bulubend. Bisnis apa yang terkenal di Amerika dan seluruh dunia?............Bisnispear Daun apa yang nggak bisa dipegang? .............Daun touch me! Kenapa meja bagian bawahnya selalu kasar, tidak sehalus bagian atasnya?...Karena bagian bawah meja banyak upil yang udah kering. Sambel apa yang ada di pinggir jalan? ..............Sambel Ban Apa bahasa Cinanya sepi? ....Zun yi Zen yap Kenapa anjing laut berkumis? ......Karena mo nakutin kucing laut Daun apa yang paling keras? ..............Smack daun. Apa bahasa Arabnya diam di tempat? ...........Ta'kabur Kenapa superman bisa terbang? ..Kalau bisa nyopir namanya bukan superman, tapi sopir..man..!! Putih, kecil, tapi kalo dipukul ngebangunin orang sekampung?...Nasi nempel di bedug Dikocok, tegang. Hayo apaan? ................Ibu-ibu arisan. Siapa nama kecilnya jendral sudirman?...sudirboy. Negara apa yang paling banyak muncul dalam peribahasa?...Swedia, dalam peribahasa "swedia payung sebelum hujan" Kenapa Batman lambangnya bukan B? ................. Karena udah dipakai ama Bobo Orang apa kalau dipukul gak sakit-sakit? Orang gak kena, yeeeeeeeeee! Jus apa yang turun dari langit? ...............Jus...tru itu saya ngga tau..... Bagaimana suara kucing kalo jalannya mundur?.............gnooooem....

Rayuan Gombal Gambul...mbel mbel

2008-05-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hawa Sayangku, Kau adalah satu-satunya gadisku. Tanpamu, rasanya aku sendirian di dunia ini. Salam sayang, Adam. Nuh, Saya tidak mengeluh, sayang. Tapi ketika kau mengatakan bahwa kita akan pergi berlayar untuk ultah pernikahan kita, saya membayangkan sesuatu yang lain dalam pikiranku. Istrimu yang setia… meski mabuk laut. Ykk, Superman, Saya senang dan bangga jika berjalan (atau terbang) bersamamu, tapi ini sudah milenium baru, Sup! Coba ganti tren mode gaya busanamu, jangan selalu model ketat melulu. Louis. Dear Snow White, Saya ingin kembali mengajakmu untuk bulan madu kita yang kedua, tapi kali ini tujuh orang kerdilnya jangan dibawa! Pangeran Tampan. Kekasihku The Beast, Kalau kau cinta padaku, tolong… bercukurlah! Beauty My Darling Juliet, Saya pergi dulu sebentar. Oh, ya. Tolong buang racun tikus dalam gelas di atas meja makanmu, takutnya kamu malah meminumnya. Sayangmu Romeo. Dear Tarzan, Sepuluh kali kamu udah traktir aku… puding pisang, eskrim pisang, kolak pisang, pisang bakar, pisang keju, semur pisang, dendeng pisang, pisang asap, tart pisang, sate pisang. Jangan tersinggung ya, malam ini aku yang traktir kamu makan bareng, ya! Love, Jane. Pangeran Tampanku, Aku senang ketika engkau membelikanku sepasang sepatu kaca yang indah, tapi belikan juga aku sepatu boots kalau kau ingin aku pergi ke pasar berbelanja untuk masakan kita. Cinderella. Sayangku Flintstone, Aku tahu kita hidup di jaman batu, tapi hadiah coklat valentine dari batu? Wilma. My love Delilah, Aku mencintai kamu, tapi berhentilah memaksaku untuk membuka rahasia kekuatanku, aku tak akan pernah memberitahukan kepadamu bahwa rambutku yang tak pernah kena gunting ini lah yang menjadi rahasia kekuatanku. Takkan pernah! Cium sayang, Samson. Jane, Love, Me-Tarzan-love-Jane. Tapi-why-Jane tidak-mau-cari-kutu-Tarzan… kan-lumayan-buat-sekalian-makan-siang? Tarzan

Hati hati kalau tertawa.....bisa bikin Mampus Lho

2008-05-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Kalau Banjarmasin Pos melaporkan tertawa itu bikin langsing...yang aku temukan ini malah aneh Katanya tertawa bisa bikin mati....yang benar yang mana. Mau tahu tulisannya......? ini aku sajikan yang aku ambil dari tulisan cak Alif yang ditulis di tahun 2006....udah lama khan...tapi gak apa2 . Tertawa bisa bikin mati! Posted Desember 20, 2006 Dalam setiap seminar dan presentasi seringkali diselingi dengan humor yang bikin peserta tertawa dan mencairkan suasana. Dalam perbincangan sehari-hari, kitapun juga sering tertawa, untuk “menghangatkan” perbincangan itu. Bahkan kata orang, tertawa dapat menjadi salah satu cara untuk menyembuhkan penyakit. Saya yakin anda pun banyak mendapat manfaat dari tertawa… Nah, sekarang percayakah anda jika saya bilang, tertawa itu bisa bikin mati??? Yang saya maksud di sini ialah tertawa dalam arti sesungguhnya lho, bukan menertawakan orang lain, bukan juga tertawa sendiri kayak orang gila…. Kalo anda gak percaya, ini akan saya buktikan Tertawa itu merupakan aktifitas yang enak buat kita, jelas saja karena ketika tertawa kita akan menghirup oksigen 6 kali lebih banyak dibanding melakukan percakapan. Dengan oksigen yang lebih banyak, akan membuat pernafasan dan aliran darah semakin lancar serta tubuh menjadi bugar. Oksigen itu tersedia bebas di udara terbuka. Dalam udara terdapat berbagai macam jenis unsur, dan oksigen berjumlah sekitar 20% dari total udara bebas. Jadi kayaknya kapanpun kita tertawa tidak akan pernah menghabiskan oksigen…. Ya, seperti halnya kita bernapas selama ini, kan juga tidak pernah menghabiskan oksigen Tapi, coba kita pikir bagaimana kalo kita tertawa di ruang tertutup??? Apalagi kalo ruang tertutup itu lagi gelap dan kita menghidupkan lilin untuk meneranginya??? Apalagi lagi, kalo dalam remang-remang cahaya lilin itu kita tertawa??? Apalagi kuadrat, kalo di ruang tertutup dengan penerangan lilin itu kita tertawa bersama dengan banyak orang???? Jawabnya??? Jumlah udara yang terbatas di ruang tertutup akan menyebabkan tertawanya kita ”berkompetisi” dengan apinya lilin dalam mengkonsumsi oksigen. Dan kalo “kompetisi” oksigen di ruang tertutup itu sudah habis, kita yang akan kesulitan cari oksigen untuk bernapas. Akhirnya….. ya bisa bikin mati lha…. Wah yang saja ya.......

Obat Pelangsing Paling Murah

2008-05-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Sewaktu aku searching di mbah google aku tergiliti dengan laporan Banjarmasin Pos,bahwa katanya tertawa bikin langsing. Lha kalau begitu Tertawa adalah obat pelangsing paling murah...tul enggak..? Tertawa Bikin Langsing Laporan: Erma Dwi Kusumastuti Minggu, 11-05-2008 01:18:48 TERTAWA memberi andil pada pengurangan berat badan, lho. Ini dibuktikan para peneliti bionutrisi dari Vanderbilt University Nashville, Tennesse, AS. Penelitian dilakukan pada 45 responden dengan menonton sebuah film komedi. Hasilnya, tertawa lepas tanpa beban selama 10-15 menit dapat membakar hingga 50 kalori, sehingga membuat berat badan turun secara bertahap. Jika dilakukan setiap hari, maka dalam satu tahun Anda bisa menurunkan berat badan hingga 2 kg. Lumayan, kan. Hati senang, berat kurang. Hua hua hua hua..........hua hua hua.........hua hua hua................biar langsing leherku

Nah ini dia iseng iseng masuk penjara...

2008-05-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Ada ada saja...gara gara iseng masuk penjara, ceritanya aku ambil dari Pontianak Pos, Begini ceritanya : Hanya karena terlalu kreatif dan kerap berimajinasi saat menulis, seorang bocah 13 tahun yang duduk di kelas dua madrasah tsanawiyah (SMP) kini jadi tersangka. Kasus ”jurnalis cilik” yang aktif bikin buletin ini sedang ditangani Polres Malang, Jawa Timur. MARDI SAMPURNO, Malang BINTANG sekilas seperti anak-anak pada umumnya. Status tersangka tak membuat dirinya murung. Dia terlihat ceria dan gemar berceloteh tentang apa saja yang diamati. ”Wah, masuk koran. Bisa terkenal dong,’’ ujarnya sambil mengulurkan tangan kepada Radar Malang (Grup Jawa Pos) di rumahnya, Kompleks Perum Persada Bhayangkara, Singosari, Malang, Minggu (11/5) lalu. Khoirul Abadi, 44, ayah Bintang, yang ikut mendampingi langsung merespons sikap anaknya. ”Katanya ingin jadi wartawan. Nah ini ada orangnya,’’ kata bapak tiga anak yang sehari-hari menjadi dosen di Universitas Muhammadiyah Malang (UMM) itu. Menurut Khoirul, anak pertamanya itu memang bercita-cita menjadi wartawan. Tak heran jika selama ini banyak karya tulis asal-asalan yang berbau karya jurnalistik. Lihat saja buletin mini karyanya yang diberi nama Korap Cak! yang merupakan singkatan Korane Wong Sarap (Korannya Orang Gila, Cak). ”Entah apa maksudnya. Yang jelas, itu sekadar ungkapan tanpa makna yang menunjukkan kreativitasnya,” ujar Khoirul. Buletin ini sudah dibuat dua edisi. Isinya kumpulan esai dan tempelan guntingan gambar foto yang diambil dari koran atau majalah. Buletin tersebut dibikin bocah yang hobi main sepak bola itu dari kertas sisa milik ayahnya yang tak terpakai. Dari buletin itu, terlihat Bintang memang superkreatif dan lucu. Halaman depan salah satu buletin menampilkan guntingan foto pejabat sedang berceramah di depan warga. Pada teks foto diberi tulisan HANYA BENGONG: Pakde Yit ngapusi wong-wong. Sedangkan judul berita tersebut adalah Pakde Ngapusi? Inti beritanya, Pakde Yit sedang berpidato di depan warga dan para perangkat desa, karena sebentar lagi mereka bakal mendapat bantuan langsung tunai (BLT) dari pemerintah. Namun, saat itu warga sedang membutuhkan fasilitas mandi cuci kakus (MCK). Karena tak sesuai keinginan warga, BMZ menilai Pakde Yit ngapusi (membohongi, Red) warga. Di buletin itu juga tak lupa dicantumkan acara stasiun televisi yang diberi nama ”Duren TV”. Acara favorit pukul 04.00-05.00 adalah kejatuhan durian (ketiban duren). Lalu, pukul 05.00-06.00 dilanjutkan acara makan durian. Hal serupa ditunjukkan di rubrik olahraga. Dia memasang gambar mobil balap F-1 yang dikendarai Felipe Massa. Dalam gambar itu Felipe Massa membuka sedikit helmnya. Dari gambar itu, teks foto berbunyi mobil Felipe sedang mogok dan pengemudinya mencoba menyembuyikan rasa malu dengan membuka sedikit kaca helmnya. Dalam isi beritanya, pengemar busana T-shirt itu melakukan wawancara imajiner dengan pembalap asal Brazil tersebut di Australia. Salah satu kutipannya ”My car is very bad!’’ ungkap Felipe, saat ditemui tim Korap Cak di Australia. Buletin itu juga dibumbui iklan versinya, baik iklan lowongan maupun iklan jasa. Bahkan, dia membuat 10 peribahasa yang dipelesetkan. Contohnya: Air susu dibalas dengan airmail = Kebaikan sesorang dibalas dengan surat; Ma’lu bertanya ma’gue yang jawab = Ibumu tanya, ibuku menjawab; Nasir sudah menjadi tukang bubur = Nasir sudah dapat kerja; dan serigala berbulu ayam = Serigala terkena kutukan. Karena kreativitasnya itu, Bintang yang kini kelas II Madrasah Tsanawiyah (MTs) 1 Malang didapuk menjadi pengurus majalah sekolah. ”Saya sudah mengisi satu kali tulisan tentang tokoh-tokoh wanita penting di Indonesia. Sedianya bulan depan baru terbit,’’ kata Bintang. Bahkan, karena kepiawaiannya itu pula, dia kerap meraih peringkat 10 besar di kelasnya. Disinggung tentang ulah usilnya menulis dua selebaran dari kertas kalender yang ditempel di gerbang sekolah Bani Hasyim (lokasinya berdekatan dengan rumahnya di Perum Persada Bhayangkara, Singosari) yang membuat dia jadi tersangka, Bintang mengaku menyesal. ”Saya harus banyak mengendalikan diri saya. Saya salah dan minta maaf kepada Pak Aji (Aji Dedi Mulawarman, pengelola sekolah Bani Hasyim),’’ katanya. Isi selebaran usilnya adalah pengumuman bahwa gedung sekolah itu dijual. Lalu, di selebaran lain ditulis ”Dicari” yang diikuti nama anak Aji Dedi Mulawarman. Menurut dia, saat membuat selebaran pada siang 24 Februari lalu itu tak ada sedikit pun niat untuk mengejek atau mempermalukan sekolah. Dengan tulisan itu, dia berharap bisa membuat teman-temannya tertawa. ”Saya hanya ingin dua teman saya (diajak saat menempelkan selebaran) tersenyum melihat tulisan itu,’’ katanya. Meski sudah menjadi tersangka, Bintang mengaku tak bersedih. Kata dia, kedua orang tua dan teman-teman sekelasnya membesarkan hatinya kalau sekarang sedang diuji. ”Saya harus lulus menghadapi ujian ini,’’ katanya lirih. Ada satu hal yang ditakutkan jika kelak dia menghadapi persidangan. Dia mengaku grogi saat duduk di kursi pesakitan sebagai terdakwa. ”Yang pasti rasanya berbeda ketika duduk di bangku sekolah atau bangku di rumah. Katanya kursinya jika diduduki rasanya panas,’’ katanya. Sang ayah, Khoirul, mengakui bahwa anak pertamanya itu memang terlihat berbeda dengan beberapa teman sepermainannya. Sejak duduk di bangku madrasah (SD), dia sangat kritis. ”Dia selalu bertanya tentang apa yang dilihat,” jelasnya. Jika tak puas, dia mencoba membuktikannya sendiri. ”Pokoknya mirip wartawan, banyak tanya dan selalu ngeyel untuk mempertahankan argumennya. Karena itu, kami sempat kewalahan mengarahkannya,’’ kata Khoirul. Bocah yang gemar membaca novel ini selalu meluangkan sebagian waktunya untuk membuka internet. ”Kemungkinan dari situlah dia banyak tahu tentang informasi terkini. Termasuk kemampuan berimprovisasi yang membuat dia jauh dari anak-anak seusianya,’’ tambahnya. Khoirul menyadari peristiwa yang menimpa anaknya kali ini cukup berat. Namun, dia mencoba mengambil hikmah dari semuanya. Khoirul berjanji mengawasi serta mengarahkan anaknya agar tidak mengulangi perbuatannya. Kasus Bintang yang dilaporkan Aji Dedi Mulawarman dengan pasal pencemaran nama baik itu kini ditangani Unit Pelayanan Perempuan dan Anak (PPA) Polres Malang. Dalam waktu dekat kasusnya dilimpahkan ke Kejaksaan Negeri Kepanjen, Malang. Berbagai upaya damai sudah dilakukan keluarga Bintang. Namun, Aji Dedi dan Sekolah Bani Hasyim tetap melanjutkan proses hukum ke kepolisian. Mengapa tega memerkarakan anak kecil? Maskur SH, penasihat hukum pelapor, mengatakan, kasus itu tak bisa dianggap sepele. Sebab, hal itu sudah dilakukan beberapa kali. Kata dia, tersangka harus diberi pembelajaran agar tak mengulangi perbuatannya. ”Langkah hukum adalah langkah yang tepat untuk memberi pembelajaran,” katanya. (el) Makanya mulai sekarang jangan iseng ...tahu...?

Aku Sampai tertawa terus sepanjang perjalanan dari Kantor ke Rumah.

2008-05-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ceritanya begini ,..iseng iseng aku buka blognya Baladika...ada tulisan menarik disana...dan aku terpingkal pingkal dibuatnya..Mau tahu... Ini ceritanya : Senyum dong say…. :) ...ini judulnya By Baladika Perkembangan jaman membuat rakyat Indonesia semakin modern. teknologi yang semakin canggih juga menjadikan informasi berjalan seperti kilat. hanya dalam beberapa menit kita tau apa yang terjadi di belahan dunia lain. lewat internet bahkan komunikasi menjadi semakin cepat dan murah.tapi siapa sangka kecepatan informasi ternyata tidak hanya berdampak positif. lebih-lebih jika kemampun dan pengetahuan kita belum maksimal. bukan nya kemudahan yang di dapat, bisa-bisa menjadi kesusahan bahkan ketakutan Berikut mungkin gambaran korban dari canggihnya teknologi yang tak maksimal di kuasai. dapat kiriman cerita dari teman. mungkin membantu anda nyengir. ALkisah… Tukijo,si tukang kayu dari daerah pegunungan Wonosobo suatu hari dapet kerjaan bikin meubel di hotel di Yogjakarta. Dia berangkat duluan dianter bininya Tugiyem ke terminal bis, dengan janji besoknya bininya bakal nyusul. Sesampainya di Yogya dia lantas segera kirim email ke bininya. Di Lain tempat namun masih di Wonosobo, Rugiyem seorang istri yang sedang berduka baru saja mengantarkan jenazah suaminya Paijo ke pemakaman. Selesai dari pemakaman dia langsung pulang kerumah, lantas dia buru buru buka e-mail, untuk cek berita-berita dari sanak keluarga. Begitu dia buka email, dia menjerit lalu pingsan… Anaknya heran, lalu ikut baca emailnya, lalu ikut menjerit… Sebenarnya, pangkalnya masalahnya itu ada pada si Tukijo yang salah pijit tombol, kirim email ke bininya mustinya Tugiyem@wonosobo.co.id jadinya Rugiyem@wonosobo.co.id Maklum jarinya tukang kayu segede jempol, T dengan R kan dempetan. jadi salah pencet. sehingga emailpun tidak tepas sasaran. Mau tahu isi emailnya yang bikin keluarga Rugiyem histeris… Isi emailnya : ‘Yem isteriku tercinta, Terimakasih banget yo, udah nganterkan aku tadi pagi, Aku sudah sampai dengan selamat, disini diterima baik baik, Aku senang sekali karena banyak teman lama yang sudah duluan sampai, Katanya kamu akan nyusul besok, namamu sudah aku daftarkan disini, aku tunggu yaa supaya kita berdua bersama disini oh, ya ternyata disini lumayan panasnya, salam kangen, suamimu ‘Ijo. Gimana gak histeris… almarhum kirim email…? senyum doong ah Karena salah ketik bisa juga mengakibatkan kesusahan orang lain. kesalahan kecil bisa berakibat besar. bagaimana dengan kesalahan besar menaikkan harga BBM dan dengan mengurangi subsidinya? berikut dampaknya . BBM mau naik, hidup tambah SIMANUNGKALIT, pendapatan MANURUNG, banyak SIHOTANG, tak ada lagi HARAHAP, keadaan semakin GINTING, kepala pusing sampai SIBUTAR-BUTAR, rambut rontok nyaris POLTAK. Jumlah rakyat miskin sudah PANGARIBUAN, anak-anak nangis MARPAUNG-MARPAUNG, otak sudah SITOMPUL, tapi kita masih saja diminta sabar SITORUS, jangan putus HARAHAP katanya, mintalah PARLINDUNGAN supaya BONAR_BONAR selamat. BUTEEET dah!! Huaa huaa...hua...gimana hayo...tertawa toh...Thanks Mas Baladika membuat aku bisa senyum

Inilah Rahasia Suksesnya Cak Wid - untuk SEO

2008-05-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Saya baca di blognya Cak yang mengunakan jurus dewa mabuk untuk melakukan SEO ,wah kayaknya mantap sekali. Jika para pembaca blog gombal dan omong doang alias omong kosong ini tertarik silakan melakukan cara seperti Cak Wid. Kalau Cosaaranda membahas jurus SEO monyet biru yang salah jalan dan SEO ketidaksengajaan, maka saya akan bahas SEO cara ngawur yang saya beri nama SEO Jurus Dewa Mabuk. Di postingan saya “15 Hari Mencari Visitor” saya perlihatkan kesaktian jurus tersebut, pada hari ke 15 optimasi blog yang saya gunakan tersebut mendapatkan unique visitor 1172 sehari dan kemarin pada hari ke 18 sudah hampir mencapai 2000 unique visitor sehari. Apa sebenarnya yang saya lakukan dengan blog tersebut? He he he … kayaknya pada pengin tahu nih… traktir saya dulu dong … Yang saya lakukan mungkin mirip apa yang dilakukan seorang ‘blogger kere‘ yang dulu pernah mau duel maut dengan pendekar Adsense mengadakan kursus adsense, yang entah mengapa akhirnya duel tidak jadi dilakukan, dan menjadi single fighter. Kalau ‘blogger kere’ a.k.a Muridman menggunakan blogspot yang tanpa modal, saya sedikit modal menggunakan wordpress dengan domain dan hosting bukan gratisan.Yang saya lakukan pada blog saya tersebut (sorry ga usah saya sebut URL-nya) adalah melakukan posting ngawur, kira-kira seperti eksperimen Muridman disini , dengan mengambil bahan posting dari search engine. Saya buat posting sebanyak-banyaknya, pada hari ini hari ke 19 saya sudah menghasilkan 717 posting dan sudah terindex di google sebanyak 540. Hasilnya maknyoss visitor hari ini sudah hampir 2000-an, kemarin saya coba me-monetize dengan memasang iklan adbrite dan hasilnya lumayan dapat $2.8 sehari. Tingginya visitor juga disebabkan juga karena saya ambil materi posting dengan keyword yang banyak dicari orang, seperti yang sering dilakukan ‘Penembak Keyword Misterius’ Petroes Seoganda dan partnernya BocahSMA yang pernah diintip keywordnya oleh Dr.Gaplek. Lantas apakah saya harus bekerja keras melakukan posting banyak setiap hari sehingga mencapai 717 posting di hari ke 19? Kerja keras sih ada tapi hanya 1 hari, saya kumpulkan ratusan bahan posting dan saya buat scheduled posting . Kok mampu buat ratusan scheduled posting dalam sehari? Ya itulah rahasia-nya , saya pakai kekuatan 12 tangan Itulah Jurus SEO Dewa Mabuk saya, tanpa teori bertele-tele yang penting hasilnya maknyos. Sampai kapankah teknik ini berjalan? mungkin sampai Mbah Google muntah dijejelin posting saya, dan mungkin bisa berakhir dengan Banned di search engine. Macem macem saja ya cara menaikkan trafic dan penghasilan,...ayo siapa mau mencoba....buruan..

Apa ....?

2008-05-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

Tahukah kamu Jenggis Khan..... Pertanyaanya....Apa Nama Kudanya...?

Mengapa..............?

2008-05-09T08:40:00.001-07:00

Mengapa orang selingkuh....

Apa ....?

2008-05-09T08:39:00.001-07:00

Apa untungnya bikin Blog

Mengapa..............?

2008-05-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Mengapa kita bikin blog....?

Mengapa..............?

2008-05-09T08:36:00.001-07:00

Mengapa orang bijak harus taat pajak...

Mengapa..............?

2008-05-09T08:34:00.002-07:00

Mengapa Sapi Kakinya 4......?

Kapan.............?

2008-05-09T08:34:00.001-07:00

Kita tertawa............? Jawab yang bener

Kapan.............?

2008-05-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Kapan kita menangis........... Jawab yang bener....!!!!

Dimana............?

2008-05-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Dimana Letaknya Matahari.................? Jawab : 1. Diatas.... 2. Dibawah..... 3. Ditengah........... 4. Dipinggir...... Jelaskan jawabanmu.......

Mengapa..............?

2008-05-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Mari teman teman jawab pertanyaan saya 1.Mengapa kita mesti Sekolah......? Jawaban yang benar akan mendapatkan hadiah berupa " Ucapan Terimkasih"

Great Wall Of China To Be Repaired With Lead-Tainted Toys

2008-04-28T09:28:00.000-07:00

by: Tom Attea Remember the lifelong anxiety you’ve experienced, worrying about the crumbling of The Great Wall of China? Fret no more. Now, humanity longest tribute to war-wrought paranoia will be on the mend. It seems the enterprising communist nation has an abundant new supply of materials to rebuild it with: The millions of lead-loaded toys, bibs and other children’s paraphernalia its cheapo manufacturers shipped off to Mattel and other toy makers, appalling mothers by the millions. But, as Confucius say, “Toys made with lead paint eventually return to factory.” Or, in a more contemporary vein, "From China with lead" is turning into "Back at you from America." Even as you read this, the varicolored plastic remedy is tending its way toward its eternal destiny, as ships laden with returned Barbie Dolls, Mattel Cars, painted bibs and other infant delights steam toward their disgraced land of origin. Of course, given the way rocks cobbled together have a way of returning to their place of origin, especially with the steady help of enthusiastic vandals, the ancient enormity has been falling apart almost since it was begun. In fact, today less than half of its 4,000 mile stretch still rises above elevation zero. And Mao, economic moron that he was, didn’t help the matter. He was unable to envision the stone wonder of the world as anything other than a dispensable feudal curiosity, let alone a hot tourist attraction that could help prop up his decrepit state. So great swaths of it were pulled down and transformed into functional accoutrements of his workers paradise, such as dams, roads, and stone huts. But now the new communist elite are in receipt of more than enough resilient material to restore the entire length of it. Redone as a sort of land fill from toy land, the reconstructed immensity will, to the delight of state capitalists everywhere, become a greater wonder for tourists than ever. Imagine the colorful come-visit look of its renewed grandeur, compacted with a rainbow of plastic toys, out of which odd appendages and bumpers poke. Should such an original method of rebuilding the wall ever become an architectural reality and surefire outrage, what might have become The Great Fall of China may be elevated to an enlarged source of latter-day Chinese prosperity.

Laughter Is Truly The Best Medicine

2008-02-24T09:43:00.000-08:00

by: Laurie J. Brenner If there's one thing I have to admit about my mother is that she was always right about this: Laughter Is The Best Medicine. If you can't laugh about yourself and the things that happen to you - you're headed for a heart attack or some other malady, it's the way the body works. Laughter lightens the moment and strips away the seriousness that many of us approach life with; it releases the pain and chases away your personal rainstorms leaving a bright sunshiny day. Scientists have also discovered that laughter strengthens your immune system and increases your cardiovascular flexibility (your blood vessels exercise through dilation). According to Dr. Goodheart, the laughter doctor, laughter convulses your diaphragm, which in turn massages your internal organs. Massaged internal organs are happy internal organs and they cooperate by staying plump and juicy. She says that laughter also causes you to gulp in large portions of air, oxygenating your blood. When that air is expelled, it's been clocked at 70 miles an hour, providing the lungs with an excellent workout. By laughing, she says, you lose muscle control, which relaxes the skeletal system. According to Dr. Goodheart, four-year-olds laugh 500 times a day, while adults laugh a mere 15! She's convinced that if we laugh as much as a four-year old, we've have the heart rate and blood pressure of that same child. On top of all that, she continues, laughter causes the brain to produce hormones called beta endorphins which reduce pain and causes our adrenal glands to manufacture cortisol, which is a natural anti-inflammatory that's wonderful for arthritis. Laughter also provides a catharsis, which means to purify or purge, to the emotions. It also brings about a spiritual renewal or release from tension. You notice how sometimes you'll see a comedian on television, and while he may not be that funny, something just makes you laugh uproariously? Your body seems to know that it needs the chemicals that are released through laughter. I've always felt better after a good belly laugh or two. For me that means some very large-sounding snorts and a few donkey brays thrown into the bargain. Some people won't even go to the movie with me because when I start laughing I cannot stop. My daughters always used to go, Mom! as they slunk down into their seats trying not to be seen. When someone's laughing, others laugh along. It's contagious. You can't help it. Oftentimes in my movie-theater laughter excursions, I have motivated a whole theater-full of people laughing right along with me. All this during the credits! (John Belushi being escorted through the prison in the opening credit scenes of The Blues Brothers. If you notice very carefully, while walking he has his butt cheeks pressed ever so tightly together as he's leaving the prison. It was a subtle physical comment that kept me laughing. The more people turned and looked at me, the harder I laughed! Finally, they just gave up and joined me!). The Difference between Laughter, Humor, Teasing and Tickling However, there is a difference between laughter, humor, teasing or tickling. Humor is your way of looking at the world, it's an intellectual exercise. It's your idea of what's funny; it's not the actual act of laughing. Teasing and tickling are really a way of ridiculing someone. Tickling is something beyond someone's control and is actually a physical invasion of sorts. Children laugh when you tickle them because the body works that way, but it's actually a form of emotional ridicule that can result in very unpleasant feelings. Teasing usually has an edge to it. People say they're teasing, but essentially they are dead serious. I think teasing is a passive-aggressive way of hurting someone through the guise of humor. Teasing, according to Dr. Goodheart, "involves our having information about something that another person has very strong feelings about - usually painful feelings - and then bringing that information up without permission." She also says that as people become very good friends they might give each other permission unconsciously to push each other's buttons. Husbands, wives, lovers, and friends play with each other's pain with permission. "When you tease without permission in order to trigger laughter, it's very manipulative and controlling." All in all, when you're feeling down and need a lift, try laughter. It may be hard at first, but just try laughing. Force yourself. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself laughing at your own laughter and the looks you get from your family members. They'll begin to wonder what's so funny and the corners of their mouths will crinkle up in the beginning of a smile. Now you're laughing because they give you these quizzical looks wondering what you're laughing about. Pretty soon, your laugh is real, your belly aches, the tears flow from your eyes, and the world takes on a different hue. As for me when I laugh like this, I need Depends. I laugh so hard sometimes I wet my pants and that has nothing to do with my age. I can still hear my friend's mom yelling at me today nearly 38 years later (while grinning ear to ear) to get off her brocade couch whenever I started laughing. She knew what would happen.

Talking Dictionaries And Language Learning

2008-01-28T09:42:00.000-08:00

Talking Dictionaries And Language Learning by: Frank Gerace Is it worth the extra money to purchase an elecgtronic dictionary with sound? The following comments have specific reference to learning Spanish but I believe they are relevant to the learning of other languages as well. Some people (curiously and unfortunately, not all) who learn a new language are interested in achieving a good accent in their new language. Nevertheless, it is not well known that there are three components of the accent of a given language: the rhythm or intonation (the music) of the language, the links between the sounds, syllables, and words in an utterance, and lastly, the proper pronunciation of the sounds of the language. The lesson here is that the formation of the vowels and consonants of a language is only part of the task of learning that language. However, it is where most learners begin. Let’s look at the place of the pronunciation of the vowels and consonants of Spanish. Many language experts believe that the intonation and linkage contribute more to speaking like a native than does the proper pronunciation of all the sounds. This can be seen in the manner in which the people of San José, Cost Rica pronounce the Spanish letter “ere”. For some strange reason, which I have not been able, to track down historically or linguistically, they pronounce the word “arroz” just like a Gringo would. Their double “r” is not trilled as in most Spanish speaking countries; it is not velar as it is in much of Puerto Rico. It is pronounced just as an untrained American would pronounce it. Yet, the person hearing this “error” has no doubt that the persons speaking are native speakers of Spanish. The flow of their speech is perfect and the listener just thinks, “I wonder why they pronounce that word that way…” In other words, often the pronunciation of the sounds is the least important element of speaking well. Yet pronunciation is the place where the learner should begin. Habits of bad pronunciation once ingrained become automatic and are hard to eliminate, while errors of intonation and linkage can more easily be consciously detected and corrected in later stages of the learning process. The person learning Spanish has one advantage over the person learning another language. The advantage is that most the vowels and consonants of Spanish are close to those of English, and their pronunciation is perfectly regular. First of all, the vowels sounds represented by the 5 letters, a, e, i, and u, have five sounds. That’s right, five! It is not like the case of the many English vowel sounds represented by the same letters, such as rough, cough, though, and through, or the case of the same sound represented by different letters in the words, ache, weigh, pay, hey, jail, and tape. The major difference is that the vowel sounds in Spanish are pure; they do not have the little “tail’ that English vowels have. The consonant sounds in Spanish are largely similar to those of English. This does not mean that they are all the same! There are differences with the “l”, “b” and “d” sounds. The main difference with some consonants in Spanish is that they are not “aspirated”, that is they are not made with a puff of air, as are those of English. If you put the back of your hand in front of your mouth when you say “Papa” or “tonto” in Spanish you should not feel the same movement of air that you feel when you say “Pope” or “tent” in English. These differences are real but fairly manageable by the learner who wants to start off right in Spanish. Once the differences are known they can be worked on. For example, it is relatively easy to leave off the English glide at the end of the Spanish vowels. Progress can be made with written descriptions of the Spanish sounds. The sounds can be described by comparing them with close English words. And the ear can be trained by listening to native speakers. There are many speech samples on the Internet and most large cities in the United States have at least one Television channel transmitting in Spanish. All of the above has the purpose of leading into the issue of the value of a “talking” dictionary. Many people who want to learn Spanish think that they need a talking dictionary. Often the learner thinks that this will provide an advantage in learning the language. However, it is a mistake to invest in a talking dictionary. The very best are very expensive and most of them, even the most expensive, have such small speakers that it is impossible to hear the fine points of the pronunciation of Spanish. The learner very soon knows how to pronounce Spanish since the rules are 100% regular. What is need is the effort to actually pronounce the sounds. Many learners are ashamed of imitating the sounds of the language they are learning and they speak the new language with the same intonation, linkage, and pronunciation of their own native language. The end result of the learner’s pronunciation (as of his or her overall accent) will be the result of his or her own ability and of the effort expended. The talking dictionary does not contribute anything to the equation. A good electronic Dictionary such as the Oxford Spanish English Dictionary, found at www.LeerEsPoder.com/dicOxford.htm , will be all the learner needs.

William Stephenson, On Doing More In Life

2007-12-17T04:30:00.000-08:00

by: William Stephenson My name is William Stephenson; I grew up in Manasquan and have spent most of my life in New Jersey. I’d like to speak with you about achieving your best, about making the most of your assets and realizing your biggest dreams. I was raised with the adage that my accomplishments were only limited to the heights I could imagine. This was a commonly used and inspirational line that many parents shared with their children. At the time, those words didn’t mean so much to me. Upon further reflection however, the spirit of those words was ever present in my blind sub-conscience. When I was only 9 years of age, I had 2 paper routes on opposite ends of town. It was a morning paper, The Start Ledger; therefore both routes had to be completed by 7am. I pedaled fast to get back from the Manasquan Beach and change in time for school. The early riches that I enjoyed afforded many crucial lessons which would subsequently fuel my future achievements. By learning the power of hard work and money at such an early age, an age where we’re all highly impressionable, it forever solidified the correlation between the two. I am incredibly grateful to my parents for supporting me in those early desires. The significance of this work should not be underscored; to me, it helped form one of my core values in life, responsibility. By learning to do for myself and not waiting for someone else to take responsibility, I not only acquired things more speedily, but I had the good feeling of having earned them myself. This early money was invested wisely, not an IRA, not a 401K, I used those funds for flight lessons at Allaire Airport. At age 13, I was speaking with an Uncle of mine. He was a war hero to me, who fought in Korea. He stated that he always regretted not learning how to fly. For some reason, his regret cautioned me enough not to follow his path. I clipped a 50% off coupon from an Entertainment Guide for an introductory flight lesson. Well, soaring above my home town and central New Jersey served two purposes. First, it sold me instantly on the joys of flight. Second, and more importantly, it extended my reach out into the world; it effectively reduced the size of it and led me to believe that it would be easier to conquer now. Again, I have to thank my parents for allowing me to circle their home at 1000 feet. They clearly hadn’t read all of the accident reports on that scenario. About one year after that first flight lesson, I accomplished one of my most rewarding feats. I had officially been involved with Boy Scout Troop 59 of Manasquan for only 4 years when I had reached a pinnacle by attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. To this day, less than 2% of all scouts make it that far. To this day as well, I still don’t know why that percentage has remained so low. Even at age 14, my drive was surpassing my moments. Each Eagle Scout applicant must appear before a board of review to validate his award and confirm that he in fact extols the virtues befitting the milestone. At this board of review the applicant sits among and across from several elders in his troop as well as a representative from the council level, the governing body for many troops. I perplexed them all that evening, not on purpose of course. All I had to do was answer a few questions and I would be an Eagle Scout. Later, I was told that the elders of my troop were kicking themselves underneath the table. They would have preferred that I had said less rather than more that evening. I was questioned about my awareness of the high honor they would soon bestow upon me. My answers and my feelings in general about the rank of Eagle Scout at the time were slightly dismissive. Quite frankly, I saw the rank of Eagle as just another step along the scouting trail. In fact, as they pressed me about why I didn’t seem as excited about it as perhaps the elders were, I told them that every scout should follow the logical path that I had taken and achieve the rank as well. My unrefined point that evening was that I felt the very act of holding that rank up on a special pedestal was one of the impediments to most scouts attaining it. I believe that more scouts would enjoy the accolade if it were not placed so high above them. Of course, this could possibly dilute the experience at the same time. After much back and forth, I acquiesced and agreed that it was indeed a tremendous accomplishment. I was now one of the younger Eagle Scouts in our troop’s storied history. My years in scouting provided far too many memories and tales to share with you this evening, however, the leadership skills that I cultivated during those early years would prove pivotal. They have played a key part in every major accomplishment and milestone after that. I believe the Boy Scouts to be a fine organization for our youth when accompanied by active parenting. Its affects are incalculable. Psychologists say that the majority of our basic learning is acquired by the age of 16; if this in indeed true, the importance of our early decisions is paramount. The more healthy habits and useful ventures we take part in during this phase of life, the better. Soon, I was off to college at the University of South Carolina. I worked almost continuously through those years and took my virtues to the job place. I found myself in a setting where the status quo ruled. It’s certainly easier in the short term to follow the lead; however, leading the pack at the workplace provides far greater returns in the long run. Standing out and shaking up the system takes courage or simply a set of convictions that disregards the consequences. This is why leading in life is critical. When you place yourself in the driver’s seat you are less beholden to peer-pressures which may lead people astray. Throughout these years my love for flying never ceased. I worked to learn and that correlation always seemed to get me through the tougher days. After graduating with a Bachelors degree in an area unrelated to flying, I returned home and finished the flight ratings required in order to call myself a professional pilot. I was now getting paid to give sightseeing tours up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was a tremendous feeling being right back where I started 10 years earlier yet so much further ahead. I was now getting paid for every one of those coveted flight hours necessary for advancement, how ironic, I felt? Another crucial lesson learned during this phase of my life was how two steps back could lead oneself miles ahead. I left that wonderful job at Allaire Airport and gambled on a new venture at Teterboro Airport in North Jersey. I made less money and added one hour to my commute each way. Many thought I was crazy, but I was looking beyond tomorrow. For the next 6½ years, I participated in a niche market in the business aviation world. I flew organ transplant teams around our country in Lear jets, King Airs, and Barons. It was hard work; we were often called into action at the last minute and it was typically midnight. Years later I would be rewarded for those efforts in a far greater way than just my pay. More on that treat soon. The challenges that forced my cohorts and I in this last position codified that work ethic learned as a paper boy years earlier. One of the lessons there taught me that we are continually growing and every action or inaction we participate in affects our future. We mustn’t look at each day as just any day. Every morning we wake up is another opportunity to better ourselves. Rarely will anyone of us remain stagnant; we’re either moving a head or behind in life. We make these choices everyday and all day. After just nine years in the aviation industry I had yet again reached a pinnacle. I have taken a job on a Challenger jet flying a Fortune 200 company and its proprietors around the globe. Those early paper route dollars that I invested in flight training have come full circle. Delivering The Star Ledger has broadened my horizons in the literal sense. My world had in fact shrunk that afternoon at age 13, when I took my first flight and my first flight lesson. To help drive this point home, as to how each action we take today lends to our successes or failures tomorrow, let me tell you about my high school prom date. Edie was one of the more unique individuals attending Manasquan High School during my years there. I quickly noted something special about her. At the time of our senior prom, she had a boyfriend from another school. Because of those circumstances, I was certainly not looking short term when I asked her to be my date for that event. I was looking far into my future and recently that has paid off for me as well. On May 5th of this year Edie and I were married in Manahawkin, NJ; my high school sweetheart is now so much more and forever. Now, as promised, the reward worth so much more than a paycheck. About a year ago I found myself at a wake for my friend’s grandmother. At this wake I was introduced to the parents of a 6 year old boy. I was expecting to meet these folks because I knew their son had been given a personal tour of Giant’s Stadium a couple of years prior, compliments of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. We had some mutual friends in that football organization. As I spoke with the boy’s parents, I was less interested in the NY Giants and more interested in what their child had endured to warrant the attention of the foundation. The Father told me that his son Stephen had received a heart transplant in early 2001. As they were asking me about the NY Giants, I persisted with the questions about his son’s heart. Well, as it turned out, at about midnight in early 2001, my copilot and I flew to Bradley International Airport in Connecticut and retrieved Stephen’s heart. Confirming the details of the missionafter the wake made me very emotional. This was the closest I had ever been to realizing the fruits of my labor. About two weeks later, we all gathered at little Stephen’s house and enjoyed the Super Bowl together. Stephen told me after a couple hours, “Thank you for my heart.” Now, in conclusion, I’m no different than anyone else in this room. The only privilege I had growing up was my parents blessing on the myriad of desires I came home with each week. They thankfully had the courage themselves to let me take things to their conclusion. Well, I’m still reaching. When I fly along at 41,000 feet and I gaze out into the stars at night, they just don’t seem so far away. Each and every one of those stars seems to be inviting me towards it. I know there is something behind each one and the more stars that I can look behind, the more confident I grow. Harness each and every day you live and before you know it, you’ll be leading life, not simply living it. Thank you all very much for allowing me to share some of the things I have learned about life in my first 34 years. About The Author William Stephenson is a self help guru and motivational speaker from New Jersey. You can find more information about him at http://www.AllYourPrints.com or visit http://lr25plt.sofsuccess.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=ARTICLE to learn how you can be more successful today!

Enjoy These Useless Facts And Fun Trivia Questions And Answers

2007-11-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

by: Deanna Mascle Question: Which is stronger -- concrete or bone? Answer: Bone Useless Fact: Human bones can actually resist 40 times more stress than concrete. Don't believe it is true? Then picture a piece of concrete the size of a bone and imagine how easily it would break. Question: What bird lays its egg in another bird's nest? Answer: Cuckoo, Cowbird, Whyda, Honeyguide and Black-headed Duck Useless Fact: These birds, called brood parasites, lay their eggs in another bird's nest and let the other bird parents feed and raise their chicks. The "egg abandoner" is then free to mate again and lay more eggs in another nest. The cuckoo is the best known brood parasite and an expert in the art of cruel deception. Its strategy involves stealth, surprise and speed. The mother removes one egg laid by the host mother, lays her own and flies off with the host egg in her bill. The whole process takes barely ten seconds. Cuckoos parasitize the nests of a large variety of bird species and carefully mimic the colour and pattern of their own eggs to match that of their hosts. Each female cuckoo specializes on one particular host species. How the cuckoo manages to lay eggs to imitate each host's eggs so accurately is one of nature's main mysteries. Question: What is the largest invertebrate? Answer: Colossal Squid Useless Fact: A species of squid reported to be significantly larger than the giant squid, is called the Colossal squid, officially named Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni. In February 2007 a live colossal squid was brought to the surface in Antarctic waters by a New Zealand fishing boat. This enormous squid, which was determined to be a male of the species, was 10 meters (32.8 feet), and weighed 450 kilograms (992 pounds), making it the largest squid (the largest invertebrate) ever captured. What is even more astonishing is that, from what scientists know about squid species in general, there is great sexual dimorphism in squids, with females being significantly larger than the males. If that holds true for the Colossal squid, this male specimen that was captured could very well be dwarfed by a much larger female of the species. Question: What does the first letter of a radio station's call sign mean? Answer: The location of the station Useless Fact: Generally, in the United States, call signs begin with K west of the Mississippi River, and W to the east. Question: Where was the first McD0nald's located? Answer: Arcada, California Useless Fact: Brothers Dick and Mac McDonald open a hot dog stand called the Airdome in Arcadia, California. In 1940, the brothers move to San Bernardino, California, on Route 66. After noting that almost all of their profits came from hamburgers, the brothers close down the restaurant for several months in 1948 to implement their innovative "Speedee Service System", a streamlined assembly line for hamburgers. Question: What is the largest insect? Answer: Acteon Beetle or Longhorn Beetle Useless Fact: There are different ways of measuring the size of an insect, most people would consider the largest insect to be the bulkiest and in that case the largest insect is the Acteaeom Beetle from South America. The male beetles can be 9cms long by 5cms wide by 4cms thick. If you want to measure largest by overall size, check out the South American Longhorn Beetle (Titanus giganteus) these giants can be over 16cms in body length (not including antennae) One other beetle, Dynastes hercules is also well known for reaching 16cms in length though it is not nearly as heavy. The longest insect in the world is the Stick-Insect (Pharnacia serritypes), the females of which can be over 36cm long.

Find a Reason to Smile More with Fun Sites

2007-11-28T09:23:00.000-08:00

Are we losing out the fun from our lives? Is the mad rat race squeezing out the humor from our lives? Humor is the all essential ingredient for leading a healthy, positive life.The monotony of existence, the same old routine of everyday-sprinkle humor onto it and the drudgery of life becomes more bearable. When we are hanging out with friends and having a good laugh, for those few precious moments we are able to leave behind all the worries, pains, and pressures of existence. So what do you do when you are badly in need of a good laugh? As it is the medium we turn to for almost everything, the answer here is again the internet. And the internet has plenty of sites that will bring an instant smile to your faces. Fun sites, as they are categorized as, are a treasure trove of humor videos, pictures, games, puzzles, riddles and tons more, that will entertain you and captivate you. Once hooked on to these sites, you would not even realize how time will fly. It is like hanging out with your buddies again, laughing, enjoying and having fun. There is so much to choose from at these sites, from funny videos to music to games and more. Once you find yourself in the world of fun sites it is hard to let go. These sites have a legion of dedicated fans that are growing everyday. Sensing their popularity among net users, there are now tons of fun sites available and more are being added every day. Fun sites not only provide hours of amusement for you, they are also a forum where you can meet and interact with other fans of such fun sites. Upload your funny videos and share it with other users or challenge them to a game and you will no longer feel starved for fun company. Fun sites not only provide entertainment but can be educational too. There are a number of fun sites available for children that make learning fun, through games, puzzles etc. Do you need your daily dose of entertainment news? Well fun sites cater to that too. All that you need to drive the blues away, you will find at these fun sites. As they say it costs nothing to smile, but it will brighten up your day, so smile more and spread the joy around.Fun sites give you the opportunity to bring the humor back to your lives and more and more people are turning to these sites to get their daily dose of fun. You can jump on the bandwagon too and enjoy the joyride -that is fun sites.

How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots

2007-11-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

Are the idiots in your life driving you crazy? Do you often feel like you are surrounded by idiots? Have you ever wondered if YOU are an idiot? Do the idiotic C.Y.A. instructions on the packaging of most products you buy these days make you feel like the world must think you are an idiot? The following article contains lessons on stupidity. They cover things you should pretty much never do. There are many, many more lessons we could add, such as not floating face down in the septic tank or not applying your own tattoo with a wood burner and lead-based house paint, but these are normally material for a post-graduate stupidity course. You probably shouldn't attempt to comprehend these high-level concepts until you have mastered the more basic skills. Experience has shown that the louder you yell the principle to the idiot pupil in question the better the procedure works. (OK, a little honesty here would probably be good. The truth is, shouting the lessons probably won't have much of an effect on the idiot, because as we all know, he/she is an idiot, but it will probably make you feel a little better). Here are a few suggestions that could change your life if you are someone who is struggling with idiots in your life. If you are an idiot, try to find someone to read these principles to you and then apply them. If you are surrounded by idiots or if you have a loved one who has idiotic tendencies, you will probably want to teach these principles to the idiots in your life. You never know. It might just help. 1. You should never try to lick the bottom of the blender while the blades are still turning. 2. Never drink quarts of vinegar while eating boxes of baking soda. 3. Never clean up nitro-glycerin or unstable nuclear waste with a vacuum cleaner. 4. Never let friends hit you over the head with a baseball bat unless you are wearing a good helmet. 5. Never adjust your TV antenna during a lightening storm. 6. You shouldn't smoke while siphoning gasoline. 7. Don't microwave dynamite. 8. Never dry your hair with a blow torch. 9. Never pick your scabs while swimming with sharks. 10. Never hang glide during a hurricane.

How and When To Make Humour at Work!

2007-11-28T09:18:00.000-08:00

by: Lionel Estridge A good laugh will do wonders for you as smiling and laughing lowers your stress levels, wins you a friendly reputation, and helps your usually tense co-workers and bosses to relax. Humour on the job will do a lot for your career, but there are a number of things you need to know about laughter and humour in the place of work. Feeling good and having humour in our lives can do wonders for our position and productivity, which means that there is definitely a place for some humour on the job. Having a smiling face will help your co-workers and supervisors feel better being around you, and you may well end up reaping rewards by laughing more in the workplace. But you need to know how to apply humour in your work environment. Laughing has been proven to be a huge stress reliever, letting you feel better and becoming more productive. To be able to loosen up and have some fun is great, so why not take that approach to work each day and lighten up around the work place? Smiling can make your job easier, more than ever if you work in customer service or sales. But there's certainly a right and incorrect way to use humour in the workplace. One of the main rules with humour in the workplace is to avoid controversy when you are joking on the job. Stay well away from joking about political affairs, race and religion. Sex is another unsafe topic because of sexual harassment in the workplace. Make sure that you stay well within the lines of decency. Never make fun at other people within your organization, as you are trying to win friends with the people you work with, and not set against them. If you can't help yourself, please be extremely careful. Poking fun at the work you do or the industry you work in is a good way to earn some smiles from your co-workers and supervisors. While these types of workplace jokes may not be so funny at home or with friends, as they really don't appreciate the pressures of your employment, the people who are around you in your job will definitely appreciate the humour about their frustrations and will be able to laugh over the situations instead of complaining. Making jokes about the ups and downs of your trade is a safe way to add wit to the place of work. You will have the benefit of knowing precisely what your co-workers have to face each and every day, and it's much better as it helps to let go of tensions and lower stress levels by getting them to chuckle about the situations they come across frequently. The very best time for some humour is when you are not working, but still in the region of the people you work with, such as a coffee or lunch break. You can also make an effort to be funny on the job, but when you are working, it's a good idea to use jokes much more thinly than you would normally do. In general, humour in the workplace is a superb area to flex your creative muscles and give your job a little boost. Humour in the workplace helps stress levels to drop, and your co-workers will feel better about working with you. Start gradually, and add a few more safe jokes here and there to incite a few smiles. Everyone will feel better because of your efforts.

A Humorous Bow Hunting Story

2007-11-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

by: Patty Pinkerton A man and his friend were bow hunting elk in the Colorado mountains near Stoner Colorado. They rode their horse's from early morning until late evening. The high mountain terrain was very rough with tree's blown down and large boulders in the path. Their horse's had to step very carefully or chance breaking a leg. With no sign of any elk the man told his friend that the elk must have all moved to the lower country. They decided to go down and try again the next day. The next morning the man and his friend decided to hunt closer to the town of Stoner. They hunted most of the morning with no luck, the sky was clear and it was a beautiful day. As they got closer to the black top highway they saw a herd of cow elk. In the middle of the herd was the biggest bull elk you ever saw. The hunter got down off of his horse and carefully drew his bow and took careful aim. Before he could release his arrow, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing on the highway below their stand. The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I know." The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, I was married to her for 25 years."

Talking Dictionaries And Language Learning

2007-07-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

While other bowling paraphernalia helps your performance, some are really used only for attitude or as a mind-setter (go bowling-wear bowling). But setting your mind sometimes has indefinite advantage to your morale which in turn as advantage to your play. So don't neglect these things. A proper mind-set is sometimes as important as going for a game with full energy. When you go for work, your pocket organizer tracks things for you. It has everything you need, notes, dates, calculator, voice recorder, internet, and even radio. It's so useful that everyone has them, even housewives, though the manner of need is somewhat different than of a businessman. In bowling parlance, your bowling bag is your pocket organizer. It should have everything bowling calls for. Powder, spare shirts, a neatly ironed spare uniform, extra shoelaces and socks, spare change for the vending machine nearby…the list goes on. But why bowling bags when you can use any bag you want. Again, mind-set; nothing can beat mind-set. Motivation and confidence. Besides, bowling balls have spaces just for bowling balls. You could fit your bowling balls into a duffel bag but hey, we're talking here about practicality and organizing. Using any bag besides a bowling bag to keep bowling equipment defeats the purpose. So what would you have on your bag? Aside from your bowling shoes and balls, there could be a lot of things you could consider bringing. A towel, powder, wrist braces if you use one, wrist liners, extra shoelaces, a shoe brush to clean shoe soles, hand conditioner, rosin, sole pads and slugs or inserts, or even fingernail clippers. There's so much you might need that your bag might not even be enough. Therefore it is better to use your bowling bag exclusively for your bowling needs. That said, if you decide to go bowling on the spur of a moment, all you have to do is grab your bowling bag and you're ready to go.

Mercury

2007-07-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

by: Josef Graf Silence stillness immensity forest stretching endlessly snow covered, quietly breathing its tremendous, wide, conifer expanse And the sough of wind rising and falling Most beings here - plant or animal - are melded into this spacious and soul-purifying landscape As is the human But the human is also, at least in part, separate from the land. And human nature can discern, by way of the 12 senses, aspects and nuances of the natural world through these 12 portals. The snow sifts down into the forest, falling windless and so light as to seem almost weightless, afloat in place. A deep silence holds sway, an ocean of stillness that invites entry. And there is space enough here for any size contemplation. In the northern, boreal realm, across this endless range of semi-homogenous evergreen forest radiating its steadfast and grounded, robust energy - across the conifer deep - here and there, an accent counters the etheric expanse with an astral focus, an animal being - raven, jay, squirrel-hunting marten, wolf, moose, or chickadee. Tracks in the snow tell the stories. A snowshoe hare nips birch tips from a fallen tree. A luxuriously furred marten pursues a red squirrel. Unless the squirrel quickly makes it to one of its underground dens it will become the marten's meal. Sometime in the night the wolf came near. It came to investigate who was howling in the evening, howling like, yet unlike, another wolf (it's own sense of language revealing that, although the sound of my howl seemed very similar to a wolf's, there was a subtle difference). It came near enough to discern the scent of human presence, approached as near as it dared, always keeping a periphery of safety as it circuited the area of the cabin. What curiosity was left unquenched? And in the daylight I could feel the wolf watching me from somewhere in the woods, as I went out on the frozen lake to investigate the passage of its own movement, the story told by its tracks. Surely, from the wolf's point of view, it experiences the most challenge of interpretation (in a sense, the wolf's level of conceptual sense) from the human community. As is well known, the wolf can read, very intimately, the comings and goings, the various aspects of, the moose, and other inhabitants of its immediate neighborhood. But the human being becomes rich in enigma, embodies a broad range of Unknown in the sphere of the wolf's experience. Snow-shoeing through a forest during a snowfall can be an ideal setting to attune to the landscape. Distractions are reduced - sound is muffled and visibility is confined to a radius of a few feet (of course it goes without saying that one has to exercise care, bring a compass and be good at orienteering, or you can end up in oblivion!) Overall, the Spirit of the boreal forest - the heart of the boreal forest landscape, like the heart of one of its trees, one senses, is golden, intricate, warm despite the climate, perhaps because of the climate, to counterpoint the cold. In sharing this encounter with nature through the twelve senses, I will begin with the outermost, least penetrating sense and proceed to the deepest-registering sense (please note that the following presumes a basic understanding of the 12 senses. If the reader wishes to prime him/herself on this subject, use the links under "Further Resources" at the end of the article. Alternatively, information is readily available by entering an internet search via "12 senses" - and adding "Rudolf Steiner" can be helpful): Touch. The longer I touch the snow and ice here, the number grows this sense. Then, in turns, it is awakened by prickle of conifer needle, rasped by bark, or caressed by the soft feel of usnea moss. Whatever the sensate experience of touch, I have to admit that it defines my separation, the self's bounds, or at least the physical body's self-bounding. I do touch nature with this sense, but only her outermost surface, a Braille of rebuff, no entry past the outermost edge. As we continue down this list, we enter, increasingly, into the inner nature of things. But the sense of touch is the most external. For example, when the wind gusts across my face, my sense of touch feels the impact of that gust, but my sense of temperature registers how cool or warm it is. A manatee, with more brain space dedicated to touch than any other mammal, has a long-distance sense of touch. Whisker like hairs all over its body act as sensors, so that it can, in effect, "touch" from a distance. Life. After a long day of snow-shoeing my sense of life feels drained, very low in energy/chi, even despite practicing energy-enhancing Qi-gong along the way (I'm not by any means a master in the art yet). Overall, as I undertake this trek, my sense of life is both enhanced and exhausted. My constitutional energy is put to the test, the body forces are working at their limit. However, the etheric energy of the forest is so resplendent that there is a constant influx of vitality. An interesting point to be made here is that in urban areas people have to enhance their life sense due to the lack of nature-borne vitality. In consideration of this, we can say, if asked what is truly the most valuable property in, say, New York, the answer is that Central Park has more worth that all the rest of Manhattan combined! Migrating birds can detect and use magnetic fields of the Earth to navigate by. Is this so-called "magnetic field" actually part of the sense of life of the planet streaming forth? And are the birds, in a way, projecting their own sense of life outward to detect the Earth's energy in this manner? Wolves are known to stare into the eyes of their prey before opting to attack, reading in their potential prey the nature of their sense of life, their overall constitutional strength and condition of health. Movement. This sense of awareness of the body-in-motion enables us to know where any part of our body is even with eyes closed. It is a sense that can be refined and enhanced, as in the case of intricate choreography. When projected outward, we can sense movement in others. One evening, as I was bent over a campfire, cooking a meal, I could sense something passing over above me. As I looked up I saw an owl flying in the trajectory I had been sensing. The owl, as we know is capable of flying quite silently. I did not hear its passage, nor could I see it in any way, until after I looked up. Tracks of a solitary snowshoe hare enter the woods, appearing to have crossed the frozen lake - a distance of about 2 miles. What could have drawn the hare across such an long open distance? Its progress would have been little noticed as its coat matched the snow so well (here again, a developed sense of movement projected outward would have helped to sense the hare's passage.) Does the weasel sense the movement of mice and voles in the sub-nivean chamber beneath the snow, before it dives in? Often have I watched a flock of shorebirds, or snowbirds, as they fly in complete unison, twisting, turning, diving, swooping as one. Here, the sense of movement has been refined and con-joined to each member of the flock, as though a single being is operating every nuance of movement. This particular example can also shed light on how the sense of ego operates within the realm of nature - more on that below. Balance. The human sense of balance is conveyed through inner ear structures. In animals, "otoliths" serve a similar purpose. In nature, we are often challenged to refine our sense of balance, as the terrain is often rugged and variable. As with movement, deep appreciation of a dance presentation actually requires us to project our sense of balance, as we extend ourselves into the performance. Within the animal kingdom, exceptional acrobatics in the balance arena include the cat and squirrel. Smell. A blossom permeates the air with it's gaseous aroma. Forces of will meet, from outer (e.g., the rose's "will") and inner, as our own will streams out to meet it. Desert animals can smell water vapor over a great distance. A wolf's nose has been estimated to be from a hundred thousand to a million times more sensitive than a human's. The bear has one of the most sensitive olfactory capacities of the animal kingdom, and is able to track through water, or read information from a scent trail several days old. Taste. Just as the sense of smell operates via the airy element, taste depends on the liquid element. A substance must first be partly dissolved before we can taste it. Nature has a way of producing the most flavorful tastes, for example, in fruits that evolve in natural conditions. Despite humankind's most lengthy and deliberate attempts to improve crops in this regard, nature cannot be topped. Notice how the smallest fruits, such as a wild strawberry, have the most incredible taste. The larger agri-business causes its fruits to grow, the more the taste of its products seems to fall bland. Salmon are famous for their ability to taste their way back up to waters from which they originated. Some fish can detect substances diluted to one part per billion. Bees have taste receptors on their jaws, forelimbs, and antennae. Vision. One night, as I lie in my sleeping bag, I am enchanted by a pre-sleep show courtesy of Aurora borealis. I look through the window up into the night sky, past willow and spruce to the backdrop of stars and drink in the Aurora ribbons, the northern angel flights, radiating, dancing in striations that breathe in and out in fanning coruscations. Vision is a sense that begins to penetrate further than the foregoing senses. When our eyes perceive the blue-green color of the spruce tree, compared with the yellow-green color of the pine tree, we begin to discern something about the inner nature of these different trees. Bees, birds, and some animals can see in the ultraviolet range. A hawk has 20/5 vision - it can see from 20 feet what most people can see from 5 feet. A falcon can see a 10 cm object from a distance of 1.5 kilometers. A buzzard can observe small rodents from an altitude of 15,000 feet. Temperature. We can sense outer surfaces via touch, but we actually use another sense when it comes to detecting temperature variations. As stated above, the wind is physically felt on one's skin, but its relative cold or warmth is sensed via our sense of temperature. Because an object is permeated by its warmth or cold, the sense of temperature reaches still deeper than vision, further into the foundation of things. Pit vipers, and some boas, have a heat sensitive organ between their eyes and nostrils, with which they can ascertain body heat in another organism. Hearing. As I journey on, I can hear the rise and fall of the wind through the trees, and the crunch of my snowshoes atop the crusty snow. Resonance, the sound quality that permeates an object, in its vibrational tone reveals much about the nature of the object. Consider candle ice clinking together. The tone the snow gives forth when walking reveals a lot about snow conditions underfoot. When sawing firewood, the sound of the particular log reveals much about the wood's quality. As we listen to the sounds of both things and living beings, in a certain way hearing begins to tell us something about the soul level of what we are encountering. A pigeon can detect sounds in the infrasound range far below our own limit, as low as 0.1 Hz. Bats can hear through a range from 3,000 to 120,000 Hz (compared with the human range - 20 to 20,000 Hz.). Language. Language is a sense that goes beyond merely hearing something spoken. By the sense of language we are able to perceive meaning behind an expression. Language in nature is a great challenge to de-code. The language of animals and birds, the language of a landscape. Once some familiarity is attained in this area, the human element of language interpretation (that is, truly understanding another in one's native tongue) becomes more facile. One morning, a ptarmigan singing its dawn poem became a particular challenge to interpret. As the sun began to rise, and the ptarmigan began its song a few meters from the cabin I was waking in, I could sense an intricacy to what it was voicing. But my own sense of language, being not yet sufficiently developed, wasn't up to interpreting its message. However, in my research I have discovered that within the human community there are individuals who are becoming increasingly adept at this level of communication. Besides the human capacity to interpret language, within the animal kingdom there are some who can use this sense fairly effectively - e.g, the gorilla. However, on a deeper level, all animals have a Spirit of the species aspect that is as egoic as ourselves, and thus capable of fully exercising this faculty. And so, by evoking connection with, say, the Spirit of the Wolf, we can begin to enter into a viable level of communication. Concept. As with language, the sense of concept is an arena in which individual animals reach a limit. "One can be directed by intelligence without possessing it, and that is how if is for animals," according to Rudolf Steiner. Here, he is referring to how the over-lighting being, the Spirit of an animal species, can utilize the higher senses - language, concept, and ego - on a par with human capacities, but not in the case of a single animal. This is not to say animals are not intelligent - only to acknowledge a level of conceptualizing that differs from human. The Spirit of an animal is, indeed, intelligent, and has much to offer in ways that can deepen our understanding about our sojourn upon Earth. Sense of concept can be a potent arena due to the way in which prana/chi has moved from its traditional forum (the breath) to thinking. Once we learn the ropes, through our thinking life we can enhance our energetic levels. Nature causes me to conceptualize in particular ways. One key mode is to reflect on the spiritual ecology of aspects of nature. How does the spruce tree part of me have its being? The wolf? The squirrel? The forested part of my inner terrain? the spring? The lakeshore part? The starry dome? What does the magic of Aurora borealis evoke in me? Ego. Sense of ego - among ways of getting to know oneself further - that is, using one's sense of ego upon oneself - relating to others is primary. But so, also, is spending time in nature in solitude. Nuances of one's individuality can be explored. How do I experience solitude over a duration? What issues arise? What fears are met and what are my individual "edges" therein? For example, fears related to loneliness, or provision (as one's food stock depletes), of the darkness (what shapes form in the dark out of fear?), or what mid-life issues still prevail? Central to this line of questioning is - how am I in the face of prolonged silence and stillness, the great leveler of humankind and human aspiration. In what ways does this sabbatical from my life cause me to reflect on my life? What things to strengthen? Or to change? Or to come to terms with? Or seek more understanding about? How do each of the animals, plants, etc I encounter resonate with various parts of my being? Addendum In reference to animals, the world is in a state of spiritual evolution, meaning that while we humans are evolving toward a fifth kingdom level of being, animals are also becoming more egoic - individualized, and more and more capable of abilities that were once attributed only to humans (or to the overall species level of the animal). Especially those animals who are spending time with humans, pets, are advancing more rapidly in this way. All forms of life are advancing, including the other two realms of life on Earth. as plants develop more astral qualities, and the mineral kingdom becomes increasingly etheric. Hearing and vision - nature automatically creates aesthetically beautiful forms in both aural and visual arenas. Humanity chooses to create beautiful, or not-so-beautiful forms. The more one spends in nature, the more one is immersed in aesthetic beauty. Projecting one's sense of motion onto the snowflakes, and there is a feeling of softly sifting down through one's being. Projecting to high mountain peaks, there is a feeling of excarnation, or moving up out of one's body, in a sense. Similarly, on the West Coast, where the energy is experienced as diffusive - all the rain and sea and growth and abundance of plant life, rainforest exuberance, calls for an extra degree of focusing to counteract the diffusion. The 12 senses referred to here pertain primarily to the physical aspect of humanity. Other senses come into play as we enter into our spiritual nature, including the human astral body. Steiner refers to some of these metaphysical senses as imagination, inspiration and intuition. Earth Vision proposes to delve into this subject, along with a more extensive examination of the 12 senses in relation to the natural world - a book will likely result in the foreseeable future. If you would like to contribute to this project, please contact author Josef Graf through the email on the EV site. Further resources: Mercurius on the 12 senses http://www.mercurius-international.com/ams_index.php?twelve_senses=1& Bobby Matherne's Review - The Riddle of Humanity http://www.doyletics.com/arj/trhrvw.htm A 12 Senses Chart http://www.doyletics.com/arj/12sentab.htm The foregoing article is part of the Earth Vision project. Visit http://www.evsite.net for more information and articles that provide in-depth treatments of current environmental issues, as well as E-books on spiritual ecology.

Maturity Effects of Planets and Houses

2007-05-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

By: Veno Trivedi What makes Vedic Astrology superior to other Divination systems, including Western Astrology, is its level of accuracy and precision in prediction. Predictive methods are based on very complex calculations and there are numerous methods which will pinpoint timing down to the exact minute. However there is a simple method which gives remarkable results and shouldbe taken into account when seeing a chart. Planets and houses are said to give their maturity effects at certain ages in a person's life. The planets are more significant in this regard. When a planet matures at a certain age, the full potential of the planet will be able to manifest at that time. Whatever a planet promises in the chart, will be clearly visible in a person's life at that age. This is a very important method of prediction and can often work like magic. In some cases just knowing a person's age without having access to their chart can give you a strong idea of what they are experiencing in life and how that planet corresponding to their age actually functions in their chart. The maturity planet will show its intrinsic nature as well as the results of its chart placement. The intensity of its effects will last until the next planet matures. AGE WHEN PLANETS GIVE THEIR FULL EFFECTS Jupiter Matures at 15 - 20 years of age (peak 16)Sun Matures at 22 years of ageMoon Matures at 24 years of ageVenus Matures 25 - 27 years of age (peak 25)Mars Matures at 28 - 31 years of age (peak 28)Mercury Matures at 32 - 35 years of age (peak 32)Saturn Matures at 36 - 39 years of age (peak 36)Rahu Matures at 42 - 47 years of age (peak 42)Ketu Matures at 48 - 54 years of age (peak 48) Jupiter's maturity age (15th birthday) 16th year, will often give some special opportunities, wealth, or higher learning (Jupiter's natural significations) and whatever else it indicates in the chart. Sun's maturity age (21st birthday) 22nd year, will bring out the person's underlying tendencies to the fore, and if well placed is an important time for professional advancement, along with whatever else Sun indicates in the chart. Moon's maturity age (23rd birthday) 24th year, will show some psychological maturity. Whatever else the Moon indicates in the chart will come to the fore. From one's 24th birthday (25th year) Venus will mature. As a natural significator of love a person will generally expect some romance even marriage in their life, if supported by the main horoscope. Venus will also give the effects of its chart placement. Mars maturity age (27th birthday) 28th year, will see a person developing more initiative and independence in their life. Mars will also give the effects of its chart placement. Mercury's maturity age (31st birthday) 32nd year, will see more intellectual development and important communication activities taking place. Mercury will also give the effects of its chart placement. Saturn's maturity age (35th birthday) 36th year, can usher in important changes. A person may experience some form of upheaval or find more security and stability in their life. Whatever a person has been working hard towards in the house that Saturn occupies, will give its full results at this age. Rahu's maturity age (41st birthday ) 42nd year, can make one more focused on the opportunities for growth that Rahu signifies in the chart. Ketu's maturity age (47th birthday) 48th year, is an important time for introspection and reflection on how one has developed up till now in their lives. It can be an important spiritual turning point. If a planet is afflicted in a chart, when it reaches maturity the full negative potential of that planet will be able to manifest. As an example, if Saturn were badly placed in the 4th house of a horoscope, at the age of 36 a person will have some kind of emotional crisis or difficulties with property matters. Saturn is sure to show its more negative inherent traits such as obstacles, delays, miserliness, over attachment and poverty. If this Saturn were also ruler of the 5th and 6th house it will show obstructions in love affairs, creativity, children (5th house) and problems with debts, enemies and health (6th house). On the other hand if Saturn is a strong benefic or yogakaraka then one may see a sudden rise in fortune at the age of 36. MATURITY AGE OF HOUSES Houses are said to mature at certain times in a person's life also. If a person has a particularly strong or weak house it will show its effect quite obviously during the period of its duration, alongside other more important predictive factors. 9th House Maturity Age (1-24 yrs)10th House Maturity Age (25 - 26 yrs)11th House Maturity Age (27 -28 yrs)12th House Maturity Age (29 - 30 yrs)1st House Maturity Age (31 - 33 yrs)2nd House Maturity Age (34 - 36 yrs)3rd House Maturity Age (37 - 39 yrs)4th House Maturity Age (40 - 45 yrs)5th House Maturity Age (46 - 51 yrs)6th House Maturity Age (52 - 57 yrs)7th House Maturity Age (58 - 65 yrs)8th House Maturity Age (66 yrs onwards) Up to 24 years of age when the 9th house is giving effects, a person will be very much at the mercy of their fortune or misfortune, depending on the strength of the 9th house in the chart. This is a timr when a person developstheir main outlook and approach to life , and finds their destined path or general life direction. From one's 24th birthday to 26 years of age, one's career often becomes an important point of focus, and trying to attain professional recognition. From one's 26th birthday to 28 years of age, social opportunities may manifest, along with focusing on one's ability for wealth and profits and trying to achieve major ambitions and long term goals. From one's 28th birthday to 30 years of age, a person may have to deal with issues of loss, long distance travel may be important, along with spiritual awakening and seeking a greater meaning to existence. From one's 30th birthday to 33 years of age, a person may be trying to formulate their self identity and become more independent. From one's 33rd birthday to 36 years of age, a person may be focused on earning money, development of speech and acquiring knowledge. From one's 36th birthday to 39 years of age, a person may be fostering their independence and initiative, and learning to handle communication in a more effective manner. New creative skills may be taken up at this time. From one's 39th birthday to 45 years of age, a person may be concerned more about inner stability and settling down in a permanent home. From one's 45th birthday to 51 years of age, new creative activities may spring up, along with concentration on one's children and their lives. From one's 51st birthday to 57 years of age, a person may have to focus more on their health and whatever else their 6th house indicates in the chart. By one's 57th birthday to 65 years of age, a person has learnt to deal with relationships in a certain way. From one's 65th birthday onwards a person has to confront issues about death and the mysteries of life

Astrology and Mankind

2007-05-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

By: Abdul Vasi American Heritage Dictionary defines Astrology as the study of the positions and aspects of celestial bodies in the belief that they have an influence on the course of natural earthly occurrences and human affairs. Planetary observation is the basis of Astrology. The practice of astrology was prevalent in the ancient times as well. History of Astrology is an important part of civilization and goes back to the early days of the human race. Some of the well-known civilizations of the world used this field extensively. For example, the ancient Chinese civilization, the Egyptian civilization, the ancient Indian civilization, etc all practiced astrology at some point or the other. Arabs too practiced Astrology before the advent of Islam. Arabs were quite advanced in the field of Astronomy. The ancient Babylonians were probably the first to use Astrology. The Babylonians were the first to name the days of the week after the Sun, Moon, and planets. They were also the first to set out the twelve houses of the horoscope. Baghdad and Damascus were known as centers of Astrology and Astronomy in olden times. Egypt contributed a lot towards the development of Astrology. It is thought that some of the astrological signs of the zodiac originated in Egypt. Greek astronomer Ptolemy was the first ever person to write a book on Astrology. He codified the sun sign astrology that we know today. Ptolemy tried to predict the positions of celestial bodies relative to each other and the earth through knowledge of their orbital motions. During his time, astrology was a part of astronomy. Later, astronomy became an exact science and Astrology remained a part of Theology. Chinese astrology stresses on the five elements, metal, wood, water, fire, and earth. Even the zodiac signs used by them are also different from other forms of astrology. India has a rich history of Astrology. Astrology was practiced even in the Vedic times in India. Astrology is one of the six disciplines of Vedanga. Ancient Hindu Scriptures too give a lot of importance to the various aspects of planetary motions and its effects on humans. Astrology is still studied and practiced by many in India. It is regarded as vital in Indian culture. It is used to make decisions about marriage, starting of new businesses, and moving into a new house etc. The Hindus believe that human fortune or misfortune in life is due to karma, and karma is believed to be influenced by the movements of the planets. Among the Hindus, Brahmins are considered to be the best authorities on astrology. The astrologers in India claim that it is a scientific method to predict the future. They still club this field of study within the parameters of Hinduism. Hindus almost unanimously believe in astrological predictions. In fact, religious Hindus cannot imagine life without Astrology. More and more Indians have started to build their houses according to the principles of Vastu Shashtra. This ancient Indian tradition is also governed by astrological implications. Hindus believe that the overall prosperity and benefits of the occupants is dependant on the Vastu principles while building the house. Indian Astrologers claim that they can prove that astrological predictions are indeed scientific. Horoscope is a part of Astrology. Reading the horoscope daily has become a trend even in

How Tarot Cards Can Help You... Really!

2007-05-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

By: Glen Wearden What Are Tarot Cards?Made up of no less than seventy-eight cards, each deck of Tarot cards are all the same. Tarot cards come in all sizes with all types of artwork on both the front and back - some even make their own Tarot cards. The meaning and the message of each one of those seventy-eight cards, however, always remains the same. Tarot cards were first used by the Celtic people more than two thousand years ago. Many believe that Tarot cards serve only to tell the future, but this is not true. When used traditionally, Tarot cards speak of the past and present, and are supposed to give clues and ideas about the future that you are potentially heading into. What's In the Cards?Tarot cards are made up of four suits - much like any regular deck of cards. In fact, Tarot cards have all the same values as traditional playing cards: ace through king for each suit. Only one extra card is added to the royal family in Tarot cards - the squire, his position is just under that of the knave (also known as the jack). The suits are as follows: wands, which in general speak of esoteric issues such as spirituality or creativity; swords, which speak of conflicts and tensions; cups (or pentacles), which are always about money; and cups, which deal in relationship matters and love. The other twenty-two cards of the standard Tarot deck are called the Major Arcana cards, and are all very specific. Cards such as the Devil, the Tower, and Death are in the Major Arcana. How Could a Tarot Card Reading Actually Help Me?When done traditionally, a Tarot card reading can put everything into perspective in a clear and understandable way. Every Tarot card reading is prefaced by a question, one that you do not have to reveal to your Tarot card reader but that you keep to yourself. Each card will come up in the past, present, or future position and will shed some light on the topic of your question. Whether or not you believe in spiritual or esoteric things, or even in the art of telling the future, a Tarot card reading can help you better understand your own thoughts. You'll realize potentially dangerous patterns in your life, and get a better understanding of self. Even the question that you ask in your mind can help you understand something about yourself, and in this way a Tarot card reading can truly help you. Can Anyone Read Tarot Cards, Or Do I Have To Call Someone or Go Online?Anyone can learn how to read Tarot cards. There are many books available, both in online and physical bookstores that will tell you the meaning and message of each and every card. Every card in Tarot has a card-specific meaning, and a message or warning. The good news is, there's no secret about what these cards mean to convey - so you, too, can learn how to read the Tarot. Once you know the meaning of the cards (and it's not something you have to memorize; it's perfectly okay to keep notes by you when you try to give yourself a Tarot card reading), you can read the Tarot for yourself or for others. Any book you read about the Tarot will explain the spreads to use - the way to lay the cards out to understand their meaning and placement in the scheme of your question. An Ancient MysteryTarot cards are more ancient than religion. Tarot cards are older than most languages and most writing, and yet they are still around and are still being used today the exact same way they were used thousands of years ago. If Tarot cards didn't help people, why would they still be used and still be so popular? Author BioI have been studying Tarot for seven years and have incorporated it in my dailly meditation routine. My purpose for this article is to give others a free resource which can hopefully change their lives for the better.

Basics of Western Astrology Explained

2007-05-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

By: Paul Curran IntroductionThis article covers the basics of Astrology and how they are inter-related. Astrology is defined as 'the art or practice of determining the supposed influences of the planets and their motions on human affairs and human disposition'. From this practice a horoscope can be produced - a diagram (or chart) of the relative positions of planets and signs of the Zodiac at a specific time, usually the time of birth. A forecast can then be produced. The ZodiacWestern Astrology originated way back, around 500 BC, with a concept called the Zodiac being developed. This comprised of an imaginary sphere surrounding the earth, which followed the path of the Sun through the constellations during the year. The Zodiac was split into twelve sections, each named after the specific constellation noted in that area. ElementsMany ancient philosophies used a set of classical elements to explain the way nature behaved. Each sign was connected to one of the classical elements (fire, earth, air, or water) and was also related to a region of focus; social, personal or universal. * Water signs are related to growth processes, identification and emotion. In tandem with the other elements, water feels that fire will make it boil, air will evaporate it, but earth will shape and channel it. * Fire signs are related to action, passion, and energy. In tandem with the other elements, fire feels that earth will smother it, water will drown it, but air will fan and enliven it. * Air signs are related to thought, perspective and communication. In tandem with the other elements, air feels that water will obscure it, earth will suffocate it, but fire will inspire and uplift it. * Earth signs are related to sensation, stability, and practicality. In tandem with the other elements, earth feels that air will dry it, fire will dry it, but water will refresh and nourish it. ModalitiesEach sign is connected to one of three modalities; cardinal (sometimes referred to as movable), fixed, and mutable. There are four quadrants following the order of the zodiacal signs, with three signs in each. Each quadrant describes a season, beginning with a cardinal sign, continuing to a fixed sign, and ending with a mutable sign. Modalities and Related Zodiac Signs Mutable signs are related to adaptability, resourcefulness and holism. They are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. Fixed signs are related to determination, focus and individuality. They are Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Cardinal signs are related to creativity and initiation. They are Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Summary of Zodiac Sign Characteristics Aries (cardinal, fire, personal): defensive, energetic, head down, assertive, impulsive. Taurus (fixed, earth, personal): patient, indulgent, resourceful, thorough, devoted. Gemini (mutable, air, personal): quick, logical, inquisitive. Cancer (cardinal, water, personal): clinging, protective, sensitive. Leo (fixed, fire, social): theatrical, generous, proud. Virgo (mutable, earth, social): critically, practical, efficient. Libra (cardinal, air, social): lazy, co-operative, fair. Scorpio (fixed, water, social): anxious, passionate, sensitive. Sagittarius (mutable, fire, universal): careless, free, straightforward. Capricorn (cardinal, earth, universal): suspicious, prudent, cautious. Aquarius (fixed, air, universal): detached, democratic, unconventional. Pisces (mutable, water, universal): distracted, imaginative, sensitive. Author BioPaul Curran is webmaster of Love Horoscope World covering Links2Love, resources about astrology online, chinese astrology and free love horoscopes.

Annual Forecasts & Fengshui Remedies for 2006 : Year of the Yang Red Fire Dog - for Dog Sign

2007-05-26T07:43:00.000-07:00

By: Janarrdhana Guptha The ancient Chinese Astrology is not only fascinating but also quite accurate. It's Zodiac is based on 12 signs, a cycle of 12 years and are named after 12 symbolic animals : Rat (or Mouse), Ox (or Buffalo or Bull or Cow), Tiger, Rabbit (or Hare or Cat), Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat (or Sheep or Ram), Monkey, Rooster (or Hen or Cock or Chicken or Phoenix), Dog and Pig (or Boar or Hog). Your Chinese Astrological Zodiac Animal Sign is based on your Chinese Lunar Year of Birth. The Chinese New Year is movable and could start anywhere between 21st January and 20th February, depending upon the year. If your Date of Birth falls into any of these below listed Chinese Lunar Years, then, because you are born in the Year of the Dog, you are symbolically identified as a "Dog" : From 10 Feb 1910 to 29 Jan 1911 From 28 Jan 1922 to 15 Feb 1923 From 14 Feb 1934 to 03 Feb 1935 From 02 Feb 1946 to 21 Jan 1947 From 18 Feb 1958 to 07 Feb 1959 From 06 Feb 1970 to 26 Jan 1971 From 25 Jan 1982 to 12 Feb 1983 From 10 Feb 1994 to 30 Jan 1995 In Chinese Hsia Calender, 2006 is the 4703rd year and is also the third year of the New Fengshui Land Luck Period 8. The new Chinese Lunar Year is from 29.01.2006 to 17.02.2007. Here are the Annual Forecasts and suggested Fengshui & Crystal Remedies that you may need for the coming "New Year 2006 : Bing Xu, the Year of the Yang Red Fire Dog" : CAREER :A year which will bring about a lot of changes. The changes could be good or bad. Good or bad, they will be rather extreme. The negative energies of the yester year have still not fully dissipated. Shed your loneliness and make new friendships. If you have been thinking of a job change, now is the time. Alternatively, if you have been planning for a diversification of your business, take your plunge. Anyhow, with or without your consent, there will be major transformations both in your personal and professional lives. But if you introduce planned changes intentionally, you have higher chances of turning conflicting energy into good luck. If you are in creative, advertising, writing or entertainment industry, you would progress greatly. Even otherwise, your path will be much smoother and results much faster. If you are posted abroad or simply travel overseas, look out for new money-making opportunities. You have to watch out for back-stabbing from people close to you. Be clear in your communications and clear any misunderstandings immediately. Focus on your long term goals, work hard, implement your good ideas, ignore provocations and preserve your patience. You are now better equipped to face challenges - face them bravely. You will finally get your recognition and reward. After getting them, be humble. Wear a Lapis Lazouli Crystal Pendant to take right decisions at the right time. If you are interested in part-time studies, go ahead, it will bring you sure success in the coming years. You are offending the Tai Sui this year, so display the statue of a Three Generations Dragon Head Turtle alongwith a photograph of the presiding Year Authority of 2006 in the North West, to minimise the negativities of gossips and scandals. You should also wear a Fengshui Rabbit Pendant or place the statue of a Rabbit in the East. (The position of Tai Sui corresponds to North West this year. Tai Sui is also popularly called as Grand Duke of Jupiter and is an intangible energy body of war-like nature that should not be disturbed.) MONEY :Reasonably good money luck. But you will have a tough time in guarding it though. Beware of large expenses, especially of health, shifting and vehicle maintenance. Spend conservatively and avoid risky high-interest deposits. Invest in health insurance. Keep off gambling and money markets. HEALTH :A lot of minor health problems related to abdomen, digestion, endocrine and respiratory systems. Some of you may end up with minor cuts and burns. Accidents could happen while travelling, resulting in minor injuries. Mental and physical stress could lead to sleeplessness. Meditate and excercise. You can also try and pre-empt the above by donating blood and having your teeth cleaned by a dentist. Minimise the health issues by hanging a large sized original, natural Chinese Kalabash, in your bedroom, over your head. LOVE :Reasonble romantic luck this year. But be wary of fresh decisions though. Many of you will marry and settle down. But the romeos should be careful of over-spending their energies : they may live to regret later. Enjoy yourself, but don't cross the limits. If you are married, spend a lot of quality time with your spouse and family. Communicate freely and wisely. Do not allow misunderstandings to expand, but clear the conflicts immediately, then and there. Beneficial Crystal : Red Jasper, for 2006 Good Relationship with : Tiger, Rabbit & Horse, for 2006 Conflict with : Dragon, Goat & Rooster, for 2006 Yin/Yang : Yang A NOTE ABOUT REMEDIES :The above analysis has suggested some remedies/cures for reducing the impact of negative energy and has recommended certain enhancers for increasing and improving upon the beneficial energy. For the remedies/enhancers to be effective, they should be cleansed, energised, blessed and programmed not only for the particular individual/family but also for the specific purpose/problem. They should also be placed in the indicated location. Any or all of these remedies can be reused for the coming new years, the only thing is that some of them may have to be repositioned according to the specific new year. Author BioJanarrdhana Guptha is an Energy Consultant, Fengshui & Vaastu Researcher, Crystal Master and a Clairvoyant Karma Reader. His speciality is in Remedial Solutions, especially one-time, life-time Crystal Energy Fields for Karma Energy Correction. Also for defects in Lands & Buildings as per Vedic Vaastu Shashtra, Oriental Fengshui, Chinese Flying Stars Feng Shui & European Bau-Biologie, without any alteration or demolition. His wife, Kalpana Guptha, is also a Psychic Reader. The Energy Couple can be reached through crystalvaastu@yahoo.com or through their website: www.crystal-vaastu.com/home.htm

Vedic Medical Astrology

2007-05-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

By: G. Kumar Medical Astrology is that branch of Astrology dealing with Health. The 12 Signs of the Zodiac are linked to the Twelve Limbs of the body. The Ascendant rules the Head and the 12th House, the Feet. The Law of Correspondences of Classical Philosophy has another term "The Doctrine of Signatures". This doctrine states that objects - animate and inanimate - are governed by planets and Classical Astrology has taken this concept beyond "The Law of Cause and Effect" and has defined it as Archetypal or Psychological. Reflections of the intrinsic qualities of the planets can be seen in people, plants, animals & minerals. All that we see, touch, consume & harvest has a correspondence. By knowing our own planetary signature, we can consume those materials which correspond to our planetary signature and thus a healthy balance can be maintained. (In my horoscope, Jupiter is posited in Cancer and hence powerful in positional as well as directional strength. If I am afflicted by any sort of disease, the escape route is the Jupiterian Way - viz consuming more vegetables and fruits, as he rules fruits and vegetables. If I do that, I will be implementing what the Great Seers said long ago "Naturopathic food is medicine and medicine is food" )! Since the Zodiacal Signs represent the Five Elements (Ether, Fire, Air, Earth & Water), the ancient astrological savants assigned everything in the Universe to a planetary ruler, and considered all as the manifestation of the Elemental Five and their respective qualities - hot and dry, cold and dry, hot and humid, cold and humid. Jupiter rules "Kapha" and the Sun "Pitta" (the three humors of Ayurveda). These elements were understood in a physical & metaphysical sense, as per the principle "As Above, So Below". Many body constitutions are defined in Ayurveda. The Phlegmatic (predominance of Kapha), the Bilious ( preponderance of Pitta) & the Windy (predominance of Vata). There are 4 types of Body Constitution in Western Holistic Medicine - Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric and Melancholic. Ayurvedic Therapy The Seven Planets correspond to the Three humours (Doshas) in Ayurveda In the Ayurvedic Model, the Seven Revolving Heavens are classified thus (Vatam Pittayutha Karothi Dinakrith) Jupiter KaphaSun PittaMoon Vata & KaphaMars PittaMercury Pitta, Vata & Kapha Venus Vata & KaphaSaturn Vata The seven planets correspond to the Seven Gross Tissue - elements (dhatus) thus Jupiter FatSaturn Veins &Mars Bone MarrowSun BonesMoon BloodMercury SkinVenus Seminal Energy By analysing the horoscope, the astrologer can discern the badly placed planet and the corresponding Dhatu which has caused the problem and can prescribe Ayurvedic remedial measures ("Dushthithasyadi Dhatustho Rogeenam Roga Eeryatham") Medical Astrology's perspective about the 12 Houses of the Zodiac House OrganFirst House HeadSecond House FaceThird House ThroatFourth House HeartFifth House Place beneath the heartSixth House StomachSeventh House Generative OrganEighth House Upper ThighNinth House ThighTenth House KneeEleventh House CalfTwelfth House Feet If the 6 H is afflicted, there can be digestive tract disorders. Natural malefics in the 6 H may create hyperacidity and gas trouble. Affliction either to the 7th house means disorders of the digestive tract, hyperacidity and gas trouble (Papa Saptamagah Tadodara Ruja). The same holds good for the 6 H (Papa Shashtagatha Tadodararuja). If the 6 H or the 7 H is afflicted, one should be very careful about the body's acidity level. The body's PH value should be kept at 7. Anything less than 7 is dangerous. The 80% alkaline nature of the body should be kept up & acidity should not be above 20%. The best foods to be taken are Vedic Foods, which are low acidity, low cholesterol diet.The Acidity - Alkalinity ratio should be kept at 80% -20%. That ratio can be maintained if you consume 100 grams fruits and 300 grams vegetables daily and avoid non-natural food. Natural foods are alkaline and non-veg basically acidic. From experience, it can be discerned that not only malefic planets bring in problems from enemies, but also problems to the stomach (Pape Shashtopagathe Vrina Bhayaschora Satru Peeda Cha). If the 12 H is afflicted by malefic planets, there can be affliction to the feet. We have seen many a patient suffering from 12 H affliction and which manifests as problems on the feet. Similarly, 4 H affliction means trouble to the Heart. I knew one patient with heart problem who had the North Node in the Fourth. He had a heart surgery. The North Node in the Heart region in the horoscope had effectuated this problem. There are some astrologers who take this from the Horoscope of the Cosmic Man, that is from His Ascendant Aries. This method also yields results but from our experience, we follow the dictum of Natal Astrology that it is the Ascendant of the native which is the head and the Descendant the stomach region. I know many an astrologer who follow this from Aries Asc & if a malefic is posited in Virgo, in the 6 H of the Kalapurusha (Cosmic Man), he predicts stomach problems for the native. (Kalanarasya Avayavath Purushanam Kalpayeth). Or if a malefic is posited in Taurus, he predicts wounds on the face for the native. Affliction to any house indicates affliction to the corresponding part of the body. North Node - or any other malefic - in the Sixth is indicative of stomach trouble & ulceration. Fourth house affliction means that the heart is afflicted and first house affliction means that the head is afflicted. (Pape Lagnagathe Parajaya Bhaya Siroruja) The planets correspond to the different systems of Man thus Sun The Bone SystemMoon The Circulatory SystemMars The Muscular SystemMercury The VeinsVenus The Reproductive SystemJupiter The Digestive System Saturn The Excretory System From experience, Vedic Medical Astrology is found to be very accurate. In my father's horoscope, he had a specific yoga for Arthritis with Jupiter in Libra Asc and Saturn in Aries. My mother has Saturn in the 12 H; she has a problem in the leg. My co-brother has Mars in the 12 H; he is suffering from some nerve problem on the feet. I personally have the North Node in the 6 H and I have hyperacidity and gas trouble (Papa Shashtagatha Tadodararuja)! Ayurvedic Gem Therapy The following stones are prescribed in Ayurveda for specific disorders Cancer EmeraldAllergy HessoniteSkin Diseases Cat's Eye, Lapis LazuliInsomnia PearlParalysis AmethystNervous Blue SapphireRheumatism Blue Sapphire, RubyArthritis Blue SapphireImpotence Topaz CoralDiabetes White Coral, Diamond, Emerald, TopazLiver problems CoralJaundice Coral, Emerald, TopazHyperacidity HessoniteGastric Ulcer Blue SapphireFlatulence Jade, Lapis LazuliDyspepsia JadeDysentry EmeraldColic Cat's EyeCholera Cat's Eye, TopazAbdominal Complaints EmeraldHeart Troubles Diamond, Pearl, Ruby, Lapis LazuliPenumonia DiamondPalpitation TopazTuberculosis Blue SapphireChest Pain Emerald, Ruby Author BioG Kumar, Vedic Astrologer & Epistemologist of www.astrologiavedica.com & www.astrognosis.com. Recently he was awarded a Certificate by the Planetary Gemologists Association (www.p-g-a.org) as a Planetary Gem Advisor. He has 25 years psychic research experience in the esoteric arts. To subscribe to his Free ezine, the Z Files, click here SUBSCRIBE. He is contactable at info@eastrovedica.com. Address of his physical shop is Zodiac Computers, 3/528 Tkss Bldgs, East Nada, Guruvayur Kerala, India 680101. Office Phone +91 0487-552851. Home Phone +91 0487-422060. He has compiled Free Ebooks on AstroNumerology, Vedic Astrology & Pranic Therapy.

Cerita Lucu Tentang Pekerja Sex yang Kaya

2007-05-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

Dio menemui seorang pekerja seks yang direkomendasikan oleh temannya. Ketika Dio bertanya tarifnya, si pramusyahwat berkata, "Tarif dengan tangan Rp. 500.000." "Hah mahal amat. Yang bener dong," kata Dio. "Kamu tahu nggak Kafe yang di ujung jalan ini?" tanya pramusyahwat. "Ya, kenapa?" "Ada tiga Kafe di kota ini dan semuanya kepunyaanku, dari hasil ketrampilan tanganku mengerjakan anu lelaki." Tergoda juga Dio untuk mencobanya. Ternyata ia benar² ahli dan Dio merasakan kenikmatan yang belum pernah ia rasakan sebelumnya. Setelah selesai, Dio bertanya, "Kalau oral seks sejuta ya?" "Satu setengah juta," jawab si Pekerja Seks Komersial. "Gila! Oral seks macam apa semahal itu," kata Dio. "Sejumlah hotel di kota ini aku beli dengan duit yang aku peroleh dari pekerjaanku dengan mulut. Itu karena para pelangganku sangat puas dan selalu kembali lagi," kata pramusyahwat. Dio akhirnya tergoda untuk mencobanya dan merasa sangat puas. Penasaran, Dio bertanya, "Kalau langsung ber-meong-ria, berapa ya?" Si Pekerja Seks Komersial mengajak Dio ke jendela dan sambil menunjuk gedung² di sekitarnya, ia berkata, "Kamu lihat Mal² dan Gedung² Perkantoran itu?" "Semua itu punyamu juga?" tanya Dio. "Bisa jadi, kalau saja aku bisa meong..."

Cerita Lucu Tentang Pelajaran IPA

2007-05-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Di Klas II A1 (Jurusan Ilmu Pasti dan Pengetahuan Alam, ini pembagian di zaman SMA tahun 1990-an) SMA Puncak Sekuning Palembang. Sesuai jadwal pelajaran, masing guru masuk ke klas tsb. Jam pertama, Pelajaran Ilmu Bumi Alam Falak, Pak Leo sedang menerangkan keadaan cuaca, setelah itu dia bertanya kepada murid² di klas. Guru: "Kenapa jemuran kering bisa basah???" Ali: "Kena hujan." Guru: "Salah" Bedoel: "Terlambat mengangkat." Guru: "Betoel... seratus!" Jam pelajaran kedua, Guru Fisika masuk, Pak Ucok, dia menerangkan tentang proses pembakaran sehingga terjadi carbon mono-oxide dan di-oxide, setelah pelajaran selesai dia bertanya: Guru: "Kenapa roti di oven bisa hangus?" Ali: "Adanya peristiwa pemanasan tinggi, sehingga O2 di dalam oven memuai akibatnya particles O2 yang panas pada menabrak roti sehingga rotinya mengalami trauma tumpul akibatnya rotinya memar kehitaman...!" Guru: "Salaaaahhhhhh!" Bedoel: "Terlambat mengangkat!" Guru: "Betul... betul ! Jam pelajaran ketiga, Guru Biologi yang masuk, Pak Aman, menerangkan ttg proses pembuahan. Setelah selesai beliau bertanya kpd muridnya: Guru: "Kenapa wanita hamil???" Ali: "Krn terjadi zygote, yaitu pertemuan antara sperma dgn sel telur!" Guru: "Salaaahhhhh!" Bedoel: "Terlambat mengangkatnya!"

Cerita Lucu Tentang Wanita Jepang

2007-05-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Seorang wanita Jepang diajarkan bahwa bila dia sudah menikah dia harus selalu menyenangkan suaminya. Pada suatu pagi saat mereka sedang berbulan madu, si wanita muda bangun dari tempat tidur setelah berhubungan dengan suaminya, tiba² terdengar suara kentut yang sangat keras. Dia melihat suaminya dan berkata, "Maaf ya, lubang depan terlalu gembira sehingga lubang belakang ikutan bersiul."

Cerita Lucu Tentang Survey Sex

2007-05-24T20:56:00.001-07:00

Dalam rangka penelitian perilaku seks, seorang peneliti mewawancarai seorang pilot. "Dapatkah anda ceritakan kapan terakhir kali anda melakukan hubungan?" tanya Peneliti. "Sembilan belas lima puluh sembilan," jawab Pilot. Dengan reputasi pilot yang sering terdengar memiliki banyak pasangan, Peneliti kaget dengan jawaban seperti itu. "Waktu yang lama sekali!" hardik Peneliti. "Ya mungkin juga, ..." jawab Pilot sambil melihat jamnya "Tapi sekarang baru duapuluh satu lima belas."

Cerita Lucu Tentang Survey Sex

2007-05-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Cerita Lucu Tentang Minta Naik Gaji

2007-05-24T20:55:00.001-07:00

Nama Karyawan: Pen**. Perihal: Minta naik gaji. Bersama dengan ini, saya "Pen**" ingin meminta kenaikan gaji dikarenakan alasan² berikut: - saya melakukan pekerjaan yang berhubungan dengan fisik. - saya bekerja di suatu kedalaman tertentu. - saya bekerja dengan menggunakan kepala terlebih dahulu. - saya bekerja ditempat yang lembab. - saya bekerja lembur dengan tanpa biaya tambahan. - saya bekerja di ruang yg gelap yg tdk mempunyai aliran udara segar. - saya bekerja di temperatur yang tinggi. - pekerjaan saya beresiko tertular oleh penyakit. Tanggapan dari HRD: Setelah mempertimbangkan permintaan dan argumen yang diberikan, kami menolaknya dengan alasan² berikut: - anda tidak bekerja 8 jam penuh. - anda tertidur setelah melakukan tugas yang waktunya sebentar. - anda tidak selalu menurut perintah dari manajemen. - anda tidak selalu berada di posisi yang telah ditentukan, bahkan sering pergi ketempat lain. - anda terlalu banyak mengambil istirahat yang tidak resmi. - anda tidak mempunyai inisiatif, selalu harus ditekan dan dirangsang untuk dapat memulai bekerja. - anda meninggalkan tempat kerja anda dengan berantakan terkadang anda mengabaikan peringatan kesehatan dengan tidak menggunakan pakaian pelindung yang semestinya. - anda tidak pernah menunggu usia pensiun sebelum berhenti bekerja. - anda tidak suka bekerja dalam dua shift. - anda kadang meninggalkan tempat kerja anda sblm kerjaan selesai. - dan yang terpenting adalah anda selalu memasuki dan meninggalkan tempat kerja dengan membawa dua buah bungkusan yang bentuknya mencurigakan

Cerita Lucu Tentang Minta Naik Gaji

2007-05-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

Cerita Lucu tentang diatas tempat tidur

2007-05-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

Seorang pria tiba² berteriak kepada istrinya sambil berlari keluar rumah di tengah malam, "Kamupun nggak pandai di atas kasur!!" Pagi-harinya, pria tsb memutuskan untuk menelepon kerumah dengan maksud ingin berbaikan kembali. Setelah beberapa kali dicobanya, telpon tsb tidak juga diangkat. Namun, ... kemudian diseberang sana terdengar suara istrinya dengan napas ter-sengal². "Kok lama sekali diangkatnya dan kenapa dengan napasmu, ... sesak ya?" "Aku di tempat tidur." "Sedang apa di tempat tidur di jam sekarang ini?" tanya suaminya. "Sedang mencoba pendapat dari orang kedua, ..."

Cerita Lucu Tentang 4 Sahabat lama

2007-05-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Empat Ibu ibu yang dulunya Sahabat Lama dan sekarang sudah tua tua bertemu di sebuah acara Arisan. Mereka masing masing menceritakan keberhasilan mendidik putranya: Ibu kesatu : "Anakku Hebat sekarang udah jadi Dokter" Ibu Kedua : "Anakku lebih hebat lagi,Sekarang udah jadi Dosen di Fakultas Kedokteran" Ibu Ketiga : " Kalau Anakku juga jadi dokter bahkan pasiennya adalah dokter dan dosen" Ibu Keempat:"Anakku engak mau sekolah kedokteran dia malah sekolah paranormal...,nah kemarin tuh dapat order membantu aparat kepolisian menyelidiki dokter yang Mal praktek dan dosen plagiator

Cerita Lucu tentang Jin dan Mahasiswa

2007-05-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

Seorang ketua BEM dikampus terkenal akan mempersiapkan demo menentang kenaikan BBM. Dengan semangat membara ,idealisme yang tinggi, prinsip yang kukuh dia berpikir bahwa demo yang dirancang besar besaran ini akan mampu menekan pemerintah untuk menurunkan BBM. Malam sebelum hari H dia pulang ke Kostnya untuk sekedar istirahat,namun di tengah perjalanan dia tersandung sebuah botol yang mirip dengan lampu Aladin . Tanpa pikir panjang di bukalah tutup botol itu, dan sejurus kemudian tampak asap putih keluar dari botol yang akhirnya menjadi sosok Jin Perempuan yang Cantik Jelita. "Mas Sampeyan telah membuka botol bagiku,jadi Mas dapat 3 permintaan yang segera aku kabulkan " ujar Jin tersebut. Tanpa Pikir Panjang Sang Ketua BEM minta : " Satu Turunkan BBM,dua turunkan Harga Sembako, tiga turunkan SPP dikampusku" Sang Jin cantikpun menjawab: " Mas tutup saja lagi botol ini ya..aku tak masuk kembali dech..."

Can Data Breaches Be Expected From Bankrupt Mortgage Lenders?

2006-12-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

by: Tim Maliyil The stock market is in a tumult. Actually, it has been for about a year, ever since the subprime fiasco (anyone take a look at Moody's performance over the past year?) Now that that particular issue has been beaten to death, other mortgage related issues are cropping up. Most of the stuff covered in the media is financial in nature, but some of those mortgage related issues do concern information security. It's no secret that there are plenty of companies in the US that discard sensitive documents by dumping them unceremoniously: leave it by the curb, drive it to a dumpster, heave it over the walls of abandoned property, and other assorted mind boggling insecure practices. In fact, MSNBC has an article on this issue, and names numerous bankrupt mortgage companies whose borrowers' records were found in dumpsters and recycling centers. The information on those documents include credit card numbers and SSNs, as well as addresses, names, and other information needed to secure a mortgage. Since the companies have filed for bankruptcy and are no more, the potential victims involved have no legal recourse, and are left to fend for themselves. In a way, it makes sense that companies that have filed for bankruptcy are behaving this way. (Not that I'm saying this is proper procedure.) For starters, if a company does wrong, one goes after the company; however, the company has filed for bankruptcy, it is no more, so there's no one to "go after." In light of the company status, this means that the actual person remaining behind to dispose of things, be they desks or credit applications, can opt to do whatever he feels like. He could shred the applications. He could dump them nearby. He could walk away and let the building's owner take care of them. What does he care? It's not as if he's gonna get fired. Also, proper disposal requires either time, money, or both. A bankrupt company doesn't have money. It may have time, assuming people are going to stick around, but chances are their shredder has been seized by creditors. People are not going to stick around to shred things by hand, literally. Aren't there any laws regulating this? Apparently, such issues are covered by FACTA, the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act, and although its guidelines require that "businesses to dispose of sensitive financial documents in a way that protects against 'unauthorized access to or use of the information'" [msnbc.com], it stops short of requiring the physical destruction of data. I'm not a lawyer, but perhaps there's enough leeway in the language for one to go around dropping sensitive documents in dumpsters? Like I mentioned before, inappropriate disposal of sensitive documents has been going on forever; I'm pretty sure this has been a problem since the very first mortgage was issued. My personal belief is that most companies would act responsibly and try to properly dispose of such information. But, this may prove to be a point of concern as well because of widespread misconceptions of what it means to protect data against unauthorized access. What happens if a company that files for bankruptcy decides to sell their company computers to pay off creditors? Most people would delete the information found in the computer, and that's that-end of story. Except, it's not. When files are deleted, the actual data still resides in the hard disks; it's just that the computer's operating system doesn't have a way to find the information anymore. Indeed, this is how retail data restoration applications such as Norton are able to recover accidentally deleted files. Some may be aware of this and decide to format the entire computer before sending it off to the new owners. The problem with this approach is the same as deleting files: data recovery is a cinch with the right software. Some of them retail for $30 or less-as in free. So, the sensitive data that's supposed to be deleted can be recovered, if not easily, at least cheaply-perhaps by people with criminal interests. Am I being paranoid? I don't think so. I've been tracking fraud for years now, and I can't help but conclude that the criminal underworld has plenty of people looking to be niche operators, not to mention that there are infinitesimal ways of defrauding people (look up "salad oil" and "American Express," for an example). An identification theft ring looking to collect sensitive information from bankrupt mortgage dealers wouldn't surprise me, especially in an environment where such companies are dropping left and right. The economics behind it make sense as well. A used computer will retail anywhere from $100 to $500. The information in it, if not wiped correctly, will average many times more even if you factor in the purchase of data recovery software. Criminals have different ways of capitalizing on personal data, ranging from selling the information outright to engaging in something with better returns. Is there a better way to protect oneself? Whole disk encryption is a way to ensure that such problems do not occur: One can just reformat the encrypted drive itself to install a new OS; the original data remains encrypted, so there's no way to extract the data. Plus, the added benefit is that the data is protected in the event that a computer gets lost or stolen. However, commonsense dictates that encryption is something ongoing concerns sign up for, not businesses about to go bankrupt. My guess is that sooner or later we'll find instances of data breaches originating from equipment being traced back to bankrupt mortgage dealers. The stock market is in a tumult. Actually, it has been for about a year, ever since the subprime fiasco (anyone take a look at Moody's performance over the past year?) Now that that particular issue has been beaten to death, other mortgagerelated issues are cropping up. Most of the stuff covered in the media is financial in nature, but some of those mortgagerelated issues do concern information security. It's no secret that there are plenty of companies in the US that discard sensitive documents by dumping them unceremoniously: leave it by the curb, drive it to a dumpster, heave it over the walls of abandoned property, and other assorted mindboggling insecure practices. In fact, MSNBC has an article on this issue, and names numerous bankrupt mortgage companies whose borrowers' records were found in dumpsters and recycling centers. The information on those documents include credit card numbers and SSNs, as well as addresses, names, and other information needed to secure a mortgage. Since the companies have filed for bankruptcy and are no more, the potential victims involved have no legal recourse, and are left to fend for themselves. In a way, it makes sense that companies that have filed for bankruptcy are behaving this way. (Not that I'm saying this is proper procedure.) For starters, if a company does wrong, one goes after the company; however, the company has filed for bankruptcy, it is no more, so there's no one to "go after." In light of the company status, this means that the actual person remaining behind to dispose of things, be they desks or credit applications, can opt to do whatever he feels like. He could shred the applications. He could dump them nearby. He could walk away and let the building's owner take care of them. What does he care? It's not as if he's gonna get fired. Also, proper disposal requires either time, money, or both. A bankrupt company doesn't have money. It may have time, assuming people are going to stick around, but chances are their shredder has been seized by creditors. People are not going to stick around to shred things by hand, literally. Aren't there any laws regulating this? Apparently, such issues are covered by FACTA, the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act, and although its guidelines require that "businesses to dispose of sensitive financial documents in a way that protects against 'unauthorized access to or use of the information'" [msnbc.com], it stops short of requiring the physical destruction of data. I'm not a lawyer, but perhaps there's enough leeway in the language for one to go around dropping sensitive documents in dumpsters? Like I mentioned before, inappropriate disposal of sensitive documents has been going on forever; I'm pretty sure this has been a problem since the very first mortgage was issued. My personal belief is that most companies would act responsibly and try to properly dispose of such information. But, this may prove to be a point of concern as well because of widespread misconceptions of what it means to protect data against unauthorized access. What happens if a company that files for bankruptcy decides to sell their company computers to pay off creditors? Most people would delete the information found in the computer, and that's that-end of story. Except, it's not. When files are deleted, the actual data still resides in the hard disks; it's just that the computer's operating system doesn't have a way to find the information anymore. Indeed, this is how retail data restoration applications such as Norton are able to recover accidentally deleted files. Some may be aware of this and decide to format the entire computer before sending it off to the new owners. The problem with this approach is the same as deleting files: data recovery is a cinch with the right software. Some of them retail for $30 or less-as in free. So, the sensitive data that's supposed to be deleted can be recovered, if not easily, at least cheaply-perhaps by people with criminal interests. Am I being paranoid? I don't think so. I've been tracking fraud for years now, and I can't help but conclude that the criminal underworld has plenty of people looking to be niche operators, not to mention that there are infinitesimal ways of defrauding people (look up "salad oil" and "American Express," for an example). An identification theft ring looking to collect sensitive information from bankrupt mortgage dealers wouldn't surprise me, especially in an environment where such companies are dropping left and right. The economics behind it make sense as well. A used computer will retail anywhere from $100 to $500. The information in it, if not wiped correctly, will average many times more even if you factor in the purchase of data recovery software. Criminals have different ways of capitalizing on personal data, ranging from selling the information outright to engaging in something with better returns. Is there a better way to protect oneself? Whole disk encryption is a way to ensure that such problems do not occur: One can just reformat the encrypted drive itself to install a new OS; the original data remains encrypted, so there's no way to extract the data. Plus, the added benefit is that the data is protected in the event that a computer gets lost or stolen. However, commonsense dictates that encryption is something ongoing concerns sign up for, not businesses about to go bankrupt. My guess is that sooner or later we'll find instances of data breaches originating from equipment being traced back to bankrupt mortgage dealers About The Author Timothy Maliyil is CEO and founder of Data Guard Systems, Inc., a leading developer and marketer of endpoint managed security services and online business management software, based in New York City. Data Guard Systems is an Application Service Provider (ASP) and offers intuitive business management software to various industries. Data Guard's flagship product is the AlertBoot data security managed service. AlertBoot offers full disk encryption and a comprehensive suite of disk security solutions as a centralized, managed service. Deployment times and support are significantly reduced, thus resulting in a lower overall total cost of ownership for an organization. Prior to founding Data Guard Systems, Mr. Maliyil served as the Director of IT at HarborTech, a privately-held supply chain house for the semiconductor industry. He also held various positions at Netegrity (now Computer Associates). Mr. Maliyil holds a B.S. in Computer Science from Tufts University. For more information on full disk encryption go to http://www.alertboot.com/

Stop Procrastination and Take Action

2006-12-17T04:47:00.000-08:00

by: Greg Frost Procrastination is a bad habit that can turn into a rapidly downward spiralling journey. It starts of innocently as an avoidance of tasks and responsibilities that need to be fulfilled, but if allowed to develop can turn into a nasty habit. There are many negative and harmful effects of procrastination, and it is vital that you learn to recognize the signs and take action to stop procrastinating. If you have acknowledged that you have a problem, its time you sat up and did something about it. Don’t let procrastination ruin your life, relationships and job. Here are some suggestions that we have to encourage you to stop procrastinating. Tip #1: Positive thinking There is no such vocabulary as “cannot be done”. Your responsibilities can be done, no matter how daunting and challenging they may seem initially. Tell yourself that you can do it, and that you choose to do so. Recognize the fact that procrastinating is bad for you, and that you choose to overcome it, either by speaking to someone you trust to guide you, or by other self help means. The key here is that you want to overcome your habit of procrastinating, and that you choose to take positive action to do so. Tip #2: Be Well Equipped Part of getting any task done is having the right tools to do it. Make sure that you are well equipped mentally as well as physically. If it is an assignment that is due, make sure that you have done your research, or spoken to the tutors or superiors that you should have spoken to. Draw up a schedule to help you plan out what needs to be done, and what you have to do to accomplish your task. Tip #3: Be Realistic It is impossible to suddenly quite being procrastinating. Understand that it is as much a bad habit similar to smoking or drugs, and you need time to overcome this problem. Set yourself realistic goals, and draw up a chart to show yourself improving. Give yourself rewards for finishing tasks on time and before deadlines. With regards to your responsibilities, make realistic plans on how to go about doing them. Do not expect yourself to finish a 10,000 word assignment in a day, but space out your preparation and actual work over a reasonable amount of time. Tip #4: Prioritise You have a dozen tasks to complete, but you need to pick one. And that’s where you first started procrastinating, by choosing the easiest and least consequential task. Draw up a to-do list, and mark each item as urgent, important and unimportant. Do the tasks that are urgent and important first. Plan your time wisely and allow for breaks, which are just as important for you to unwind and relax your mind so that you don’t get too stressed. Tip #5: Take Small Steps It is no point to set yourself the task of scaling Mount Everest, when you have trouble climbing up two flights of stairs. You are overcoming the bad habit of procrastinating, do not expect miracles to happen just because you have decided to act and stop procrastinating. For each task that may seem Herculean, break it down into small components and parts that can be accomplished separately. Set about completing these small parts, instead of attempting to conquer the entire project in one go. You will find it more manageable and less daunting, and succeeding at each step will motivate you to give yourself a pat on the back. It is possible to overcome procrastination, you just need to put your back into it and persevere. Use these 5 tips to stop procrastination and take action today. About The Author Greg Frost adopts a can-do attitude to everything in life and is the founder of http://www.Stop-Procrastination.org which provides alot of information on how you can increase your productivity and stop procrastination. Allowing you to achieve the dreams and goals that you always wanted.

New to Gaming - Flash Gaming Sites

2006-05-25T11:14:00.000-07:00

By: Paul Wilson Whew! According to Computer Gaming World, there are 80 gazillion free Flash games sites in the cyber world. Popular sites are: www.games.yahoo.com - this has card games, word games, arcade games, as well as puzzles. The number of violent games is limited so the site appeals to the "old-young" -those who are young at heart. www.shockwave.com - a popular site with original games as well as PopCap ones. One can do a jigsaw here everyday. www.addictinggames.com - has free games that are updated every week-Friday. The site has action, arcade, puzzle, as well as sports games. www.arcadetown.com - has Flash games, java games, downloads and more. Since Flash offers many advantages to developers as well as players, many games are designed using Macromedia Flash. It is by far the best game platform and has incredible features. In an industry that's evincing exponential growth, Flash has become the universal and popular choice for multimedia intensive web sites. Flash, singly crosses most barriers- It supports complicated and wonderful graphics. Allows download of files via the Internet. And is compatible with playback devices. In the world of Flash enabled games the hosting system is the web server itself. Flash enables web sites to host animated as well as interactive movies and games. There is no paraphernalia required. All that is needed is to download the game itself. The costs are minimal and not recurring. To play on the web all that is required is: a web browser, a Flash player, and the Internet. Flash is the universal plug in needed to play games. It is installed on every PC with Windows XP and Mac. Playing online can be fun and most games can now be played by many players from all round the world. Just keep in mind: That there are players who cheat at games. Look for PunkBuster software on the server, this detects cheats who try and gain unfair advantages. Play with others who have credibility and are accountable for their actions. Many online sites need verified log ins, they are actively managed gaming environments. This is a better choice for safe gaming. Create a select group of friends and use the broadband server to host a private gaming server. Do your research thoroughly. Seek safe and high quality gaming sites. Gaming is in its golden phase and is set to reach new heights. Innovation, new business models, and unprecedented growth is expected to open new avenues in gaming.

3 Must have Nintendo Wii Accessories Reviewed and Explained

2006-05-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

By: Aaron Brooks Gaming is a multi-pronged world with consoles, accessories and more crowding the market. apart from gaming consoles there have developed over the years a great many gaming accessories that take gaming to new never before explored levels.With Wii Nintendo brings to the fiercely competitive market a product that has family appeal, is affordable, and encompasses great technology. Nintendo intends with the release of Wii to retain its market presence and bring to its consumers new delights in gaming.The much awaited Nintendo Wii comes with its own batch of must have accessories: • The Wii remote is slotted for release in the US on November 19th and is priced at USD 39.99. According to pre-release information the Wii remote has a one-handed remote control design and so is more sensitive to pointing, movements, and user friendly. The remote has wireless functions and works using a short-range Bluetooth radio. One can use a maximum of four controllers at a distance of 5 meters from the Wii sensor bar. The Wii remote is multi functional and allows ambidextrous use, can be used horizontally, or like a steering wheel. According to expert gamers the design is such that experienced players will be able to hold a remote in each hand or a Nunchuk in one and a remote in the other. Technically advanced the Wii remote can sense movement and orientation. The remote can identify linear motion along three axes. The optical sensor can determine the direction. According to experts reviewers at CNET the pointer can get jerky or twitchy. And, the tilt control requires a light and subtle touch. The remote controls cannot be calibrated manually and gamers have to make do with Wii's calibrations.• The Nunchuk is also slotted for release on Nov 19th and is priced at Us 19.99. This is a device that can be plugged into the Wii remote. It has an analog stick and two buttons and can be used in games like Red Steel and Twilight Princess. Since the nunchuk has motion sensors it permits gamers to perform specific character actions, like a spinning slash attack. According to industry reports this is all set to become the most popular and "must have" accessory. • The Nintendo Classic Controller will also be released in the US on Nov 19th and is priced at USD 19.99. This is the classic-style expansion controller which can be used with the Wii remote slotted in to play games using a traditional game pad. It is to be used to play existing games, virtual console games, and multiplatform games. It connects to the Wii remote through a cord. Aimed at gaming being fun the Nintendo Wii will disappoint if graphics and special effects are what are required. The biggest draws are supposed to be the motion-sensing remote , pseudo-reality controls, and internet capabilities. The Wii in its present form will not play CDs or DVDs although this feature is in the offing. Author BioAaron Brooks is a freelance writer for www.1888freeonlinegames.com, the premier website to play thousands of free online games including arcade games, action games, card games, flash games, strategy games, puzzle games and more. He also freelances for Free Software Downloads Site www.1888softwaredownloads.com Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content Related Nintendo Wii ArticlesHardware inside Nintendo Wii reviewed and explainedNintendos seventh generation gaming console was code named Revolution. It sought to

Nintendo Wii Hardware Reviewed and Explained

2006-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

By: Aaron Brooks Nintendos seventh generation gaming console was code named Revolution. It sought to becoming futuristic and including all conveniences like a wireless controller and Wii remote which has three dimensional functions. The Nintendo Wii also has Wii Connect 24 which can receive messages from the World Wide Web. Slated for release in the US in mid Nov 2006, the Ninetendo Wii won the Game Critics Award for Best of Show and Best Hardware at the E3 2006. The hardware of the gaming console is state-of-art with the unit being the smallest measuring just 157 mm in height :• The loading slot is in the front and accepts 12cm optical discs and 8 cms discs from Nintendo's older console.• The console will have two USB ports and one SD card slot.• In Japan the console will have DVD -Video capabilities. A Sonic Solutions Cine Player CE DVD Navigator software engine will be used in consoles to be released in 2007 with DVD-Video functions.• The Wii remote has accelerometers and infrared detection that enables positioning in 3D space. This means gamers can participate in the game using hand gestures as well as buttons. The controller connects to the Wii console through Bluetooth technology. There are umpteen functions like connectivity to other devices, 4KB non volatile memory and an accelerometer, analog stick and trigger buttons.• The Wii has a sensor bar that can be positioned such that the Wii remote can be used as an accurate pointing device from a distance of 5 meters. However the sensor bar is sensitive to halogen lights and sunlight affecting its functions.• The Wii CPU has a processor known as Broadway with a 90nm SOI CMOS process. The Memory of the Wii is 1T-SRAM.• The Nintendo Wii has 512 MB built-in flash memory that can be expanded using an SD card.• The Wii has four remote controller slots; one SD memory slot; two USB ports; one sensor bar port ;four Nintendo game cube controller ports; two Nintendo game cube memory card ports; WiFi 802.11.b/g wireless built in ports.• The Wii can connect to the World Wide Web through the WiFi and USB to Ethernet adaptor. The CNET editors have rated the Nintendo Wii as an 8 /10. According to experts at CNET the positive is the futuristic controller design with motion-sensitive gameplay options and the Wi-Fi is all set to extend free online services and game play. The Nintendo Wii is the most affordable of all GenX gaming systems. The negative in the Wii is short battery life, no advanced HD graphics or surround sound and inability to play CDs or DVDs. What Nintendo Wii brings to gaming is an affordable console with motion sensitive controllers and a focus on fun filled gaming

Online Gaming is as Addictive as Heroin

2006-05-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

By: Paul Wilson Gaming is big business but it has its downside. People have died from gaming and the world is recognizing that game addiction is serious and spreading fast. Mental health professionals opine that gaming can destroy lives, keep students from focusing on learning, workers from working, and women from their duties. There are instances where gamers have not left home for years. Games like EverQuest, Dark Age of Camelot, and others are popularly referred to as heroinware. And symptoms of addiction according to Computer Addiction Services at McLean Hospital are: obsession with the game; inability to stop; neglect of family and work; lying to hide activity; problems with studies and work; health problems, muscular as well as vision related; neglect of personal hygiene; as well as sleep disturbances. The games provide social interaction to lonely people, gamers gain acknowledgement as well as power denied elsewhere due to their gaming expertise, and the game weaves a spell on the mind-one gets so absorbed by the virtual realities that it is hard to get away.The addiction is so real that it requires intensive therapy. Treatment programs include: behavioral therapy, anti-depressants, as well as prescription drugs. Not all agree that gaming is addictive. MIT's Games-to-Teach project manager opines that games sharpen critical thinking, improve social skills, and increase empathy. Many others do agree that games inspire imagination, creativity, and team work.However, the problem is real and countries world over are taking measures. China has set up a clinic in Beijing for net-frazzled addicts to be treated with sports, acupuncture, and medication. The inmates according to the clinic's director have: depression, nervousness, fear, interaction problems, panic, agitation, shaking and numb hands, as well as sleep disorders. Gaming is a serious problem in Korea --- 1-2% of South Korea's online gamers are addicts. The government is taking steps and requesting game developers to create advisory patches to alert gamers to the impeding dangers.A hard core gamer is one who is completely absorbed by his online fantasy, he isolates himself from family and friends, lets everyday activities fall by the wayside, spends over 16-20 hours a day playing the game and games at work, at home, and while on the road. Gaming becomes his whole life, a thirst that is never quenched. Treatment is long and hard and like other addictions the first stage is the most difficult, getting the gamer to acknowledge that he or she has a problem. Addicts find it extremely painful to "kill" the characters of the game and to erase /destroy the software. Most are unable to "keep away" and return to the game addictively. Studies indicate that hard core players are often neurotic, shy, have emotional as well as behavioral issues, and problems in the home environment. To overcome the addiction, the player must consider and analyze the issues underlying the game-it is the question of power, social standing, respect, and emotions. Gaming is set to become a global epidemic and needs immediate attention as well as solutions

Role of The Druid WOW

2006-05-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

By: Hunter Crowell Of the many different character classes in WOW, each having a different accepted role, there is one lauded as superior by those who play them, and scoffed at by those around them. There are a few responsibilities that must be filled for a group of adventurers to succeed in a dungeon. There must be a "tank," someone who gets the attention of the monsters they are attempting to kill. A healer is important to keep the group alive. There are damage dealers who are primarily responsible for slaying the monsters in melee or from a distance. Characters in charge of crowd control stall certain targets to make taking down others easier.Each class generally fills one role with ease and can switch to another if it is needed. The Warrior, for example, is first and foremost a tank. Warriors are given the most abilities to generate and maintain the focus of the foe. But in a group with two warriors, or if another class wants to try their hand at tanking, the warrior can be used as a damage dealer. The WOW Paladin, normally used in instances as a healer and support character, can generate cause enough threat to hold the targets attention.The Druids of Azeroth, made up of the Night Elf and Tauren populations, have an interesting mix of abilities. To WOW, they are the shape shifting Jack of all Trades. They can heal the party, with efficiency topped only by the Priest. In Cat Form they can deal melee damage and sneak around their enemies with the guile of a Rogue. If shifted into Bear Form, they are capable of performing tanking roll of a Warrior. While in Moonkin Form, they can dole out massive damage by raining down arcane and nature spells on the target. This wide range of abilities makes the druid the ideal member of any party, if one person fails, the druid can switch over to the vacated role and pick up the slack.This is not often how the party views the situation, however. In small instance groups of five people, the druid is often taken only if they are willing to be a healer, despite their versatility. A druid desiring to fill another role, especially the popular role of damage dealing, is shunned. The WOW developers gave druids certain abilities, such as moon fire or faerie fire, which are very visible spells. These spells have beneficial effects for the group, but a druid casting them on a target will often be ridiculed from the party for 'wasting mana' that should be reserved for healing.The issue stems from two major problems in WOW. The first is the lack of healer classes. There is only one class out of eight on each faction that is a dedicated healer, the Priest. There are two other classes on each side that are capable of healing, the Paladin for Alliance and Shaman for Horde, then the Druid. The low amount of available healers leads to less players playing them, which feeds right into the next dilemma. The second problem being that most players are too shortsighted to see beyond the Druids healing ability. There are many people with the immutable mindset that if a druid can heal, he should heal. While they are an effective healer, they are quite effective at every other role they can fill as well.No one would ever accuse Blizzard entertainment of being hasty with their decisions. WOW and their other games have had their release dates pushed back many times. In the past hardcore fans of Blizzard's work know that this delay is for the best, the company labors to produce the finest quality product. The Druid went through months of internal testing and balancing before the concept became a reality. By giving the druid all the basic abilities of a rogue, a warrior, a mage and a priest, it is quite clear they had a greater intention for the class than staple healer

Best Practices For A Warrior In World Of Warcraft

2006-05-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

By: Hunter Crowell The Job of the Warrior is to get relentlessly beat upon. While there are a handful of classes in World of Warcraft that have the capability to tank, the Warrior stands above them all with more talents, abilities and equipment geared for the role. In a group setting, if the warrior dies first, they died knowing they did their job to the best of their abilities. Some players are better at holding the agro from the monsters than others, but it's a common adage that effective tanking is 10% gear, 10% talent build and 80% skill. A large part of effective tanking is outside the hands of the warrior. One common fallacy held by the players of World of Warcraft is that if a tank loses control of a monster, he's a bad tank. While this very well could be true, the case could actually be quite the opposite. There is a limited number of things a Warrior can do to generate threat on a creature. Assuming that the skill, talents build are in place and the gear collected, he can build a lot of threat. There is an upper limit to the threat obtainable. When a character is assigned to tank, he will not be generating the majority of his threat from dealing damage to a target. Outside of the Warrior class, dealing damage is the best way to increase threat on a monster. Over a period of time, the threat from damage caused by another character can overcome the threat generated by the tank. In such a situation, as long as the warrior was using all his abilities to their maximum effectiveness, there's nothing else he could have done to keep the focus of the enemy. A party who knows this, and can manage their own threat makes the tanks life that much easier. At lower levels, the group tends to blame the tank if he loses control of the monster. In the end game forty man instances, the smart groups tend to blame the player who pulled the target for not managing his own threat.Warriors are very dependant on the sort of gear they use. If the goal is to play the higher intensity raid instances, a lot of time will be spent gathering up the equipment. For a tank, there are three main things to look at while gathering gear: Stamina, Armor Rating, and Defense. Stamina gives the character ten hit points per point. That may not seem like a lot, but just like pennies in a piggy back, it starts adding up. Armor Rating lowers the incoming damage percentage. Defense ups the skill of the same name, and lowers the chance that enemies will critically hit the tank by a percentage point for every twenty five points of defense. Thankfully, World of Warcraft offers many different dungeons to crawl in order to gather equipment with all of these perks. On epic pieces of armor, players will find bonuses to blocking skill or dodge percentages, and those are nice too, but those will only come after time spent tanking. There will be a long time when the characters will be relying on uncommon and rare equipment that is much easier to obtain.Of the 51 talent points World of Warcraft offers its players, eighteen of those should be dedicated to the protection tree. For a tank to excel at his job, it is in his best interest to send points on the talents Defiance, Toughness and Last Stand. Neither five point talent on the first tier of talents a warrior can access truly outdoes the other, one raises the chance to block with a shield, the other raises the characters natural defense. Both are good options, yet not required for optimum tanking. On the second tier, five points in Toughness gives you ten percent more armor contribution, and at the high armor ratings a warrior can achieve this talent can decrease all incoming damage by up to five percent. Also on tier two is the Improved Bloodrage talent. This two point talent is useful, but not required to tank. It is required to gain access to the tier three talent Last Stand. Last stand increases the warriors current and maximum hit points by thirty percent for twenty seconds, great for the times when that heal is coming just a second too late. Lastly, the Defiance talent raises the threat generated by the warrior by fifteen percent. Without all these talents, the warrior is not able to tank to the best of the class's ability.The gear is in place, the talent build is good, but the most important thing to tank effectively is the skill. Its not hard to tank. It just takes knowledge. Sunder Armor is the staple of every tanks retinue. It is the most efficient way to gather rage early in a fight, and it makes the enemy easier to kill by lowering its armor rating. Another ability widely used is Heroic Strike. Some tanks use these two abilities and they manage to control the monster. In a prolonged fight, this will not be enough. There are three abilities other than sunder armor that allow the tank to gain as much agro as possible. Shield block, while not an threat generating ability in itself, it guarantees a block, which in turn allows the tank to use the Revenge ability. Revenge is the lowest cost and highest threat generating ability in the game. Finally, Shield Bash, a high threat producing ability used primarily to stop a spell caster from casting can be used liberally on non-magical foes to generate high amounts of threat. Each of these abilities should be used when they are cooled down and available. Once the basics of tanking are understood, each individual player can add their own flavor to the game and improve on their own abilities

Java Online Games

2006-05-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

By: Michael Colucci After Shockwave, Java is the most popular tool for developing free online games. It is a popular programming language which was developed by James Gosling during the 1990s. It is somewhat related to C++ but is much more simple, and is an object oriented language. Java was developed because C++ was considered to be too complex and when using it there were many errors.C++ also lacked the ability for distributed programming. Gosling and his colleagues wanted to produce a system that could be used on various platforms, from computer to handheld devices. By 1994 Java begin to be used on the internet. They felt that the internet would become interactive, and this would be the perfect environment to use their programming language. They were right. Java has become one of the most well known platforms in use today on the internet.Many developers of free online games have quickly realized its potential. While Shockwave has replaced Java as the most popular engine used for online games, Java is still the tool of choice among many developers. Java became very popular when Netscape decided to support the program with their browsers. Most people use Java by the "applets" which are supported by their online browsers.Yahoo has often been credited with heavily using Java to produce online games. Yahoo games is the portion of their website in which players can play games by themselves or against other players. While most of these games are Java applets, others have to be downloaded onto the computer. Reviews are even featured where users can post their thoughts about the quality of the game. Yahoo is one of the most prominent promoters of free online games. Everything from fantasy sports to card games are available.Despite this, there are some criticisms of the Java programming language. Shockwave has a 3D engine which is much more powerful, and many developers have chose it rather than Java. Others complain that it is not a very pure object oriented programming language. Those who dislike object oriented languages will not design free online games with Java. Programs written in Java may also run slower than programs written in other languages. Despite these complaints, Java has become one of the most popular languages used for developing independent games. Advances in this language should allow it to produce games which are much higher in quality and graphical detail. Many popular games can be played at the Java website.

The World of Computer Gaming, High-Stakes and Intense Competition

2006-05-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

By: Paul Wilson Multiplayer games and tournaments are now offering cash prizes, adding to the thrill of competing. To participate, a valid credit card or paypal account is required. And, a player must live in a state or country that has no laws against online gaming for money. Sites which promote such activities are: www.worldwinner.com and www.arkadium.com Gaming leagues are becoming professional and organize competitions where cash prizes are worth over US$ 100,000 in cash. These events are seen as business and marketing development opportunities. Hardware manufacturing giants like Intel sponsor gaming clans and see gaming world-wide as a profitable avenue for promoting their products. High-stake gaming competitions are popular, but the real fights occur behind the scenes, where companies spend millions trying to get their technology directly into the hands of gamersProfessional gaming has taken the world by storm and, LAN competitions are high-stake tournaments with a few gamers earning a living just competing. A professional gamer with a sponsorship plan in place can earn up to US$ 500,000 per year. Cyberathlete, Professional League, Gamecaster, Global gaming League, are some of the organizations that host competitions. The first professional gaming league was set up in 1997 and today the competitions are not just televised but covered by major publications and newspapers. MTV, CNN,ESPN, USA Network, ABC World News Today, FOX, WB and others telecast the events live. Gamers from all walks of life train intensely to become virtual world champions, winning brings fame, money, as well as recognition. And, since 2001 The World Cyber Games are held in a different country each year. The prize in 2004 was worth US$ 400, 000 and competitors played: FIFA Soccer 2004, Need for Speed, Underground, Star-Craft, Brood War, Unreal Tournament 2004, Dawn of war, Dead or Alive Ultimate, and Halo 2. Gaming is serious; it is about quick thinking, intense practice, team work, interaction with other players, and understanding technology at its best. Gamers have to be on their toes, keep abreast with new launches, changes, patches, cheats, and more. According to online gaming expert Psychologist Professor Mark Griffiths, "online gaming addiction for a small minority is a real phenomenon and people suffer the same symptoms as traditional addictions. They are the types of games that completely engross the player. They are not games that you can play for 20 minutes and stop. If you are going to take it seriously, you have to spend time doing it"That gaming is taken seriously is confirmed, many major colleges are offering minor as well as major courses in game design, animation, cognition and gaming, computer music, psychology of play and more. RPI, the Pratt Institute, University of Colorado, the Art Institute of Phoenix, the University of Washington, and the University of Pennsylvania are among those that have programs in computer graphics and game technology. They are set to become a feeder system for the US$ 10 billion a year game industry